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Bitan Interview | Bring 200,000 Developers and one billion mobile terminals into the blockchain world.
Egretia has combined existing H5 technology and the production tool to create a complete blockchain game development tool. By using the set of Egretia tools, developers can rapidly create blockchain games without having to fully understand the complex technology implemented on the bottom layer. Also, the development tool could connect the virtual asset in blockchain games. Egretia, together with the world’s leading H5 technology provider, Egret Technology, aims to bring 200,000 developers and one billion mobile terminals into the blockchain world. In this “Bitan Interview”, we invited the founder of Egretia, Mr. Huang Jun, to talk about what revolutions Egretia will bring.
Huang, I see you have many years of Internet product and gaming project R&D management experience. How did you come into contact with the Blockchain industry?
Huang Jun: I came across the blockchain industry around 2012. I have some old friends who work with software and hardware technology, and they invested in Bitcoin in its early stages, so I have been familiar with Bitcoin and blockchain since 2012. However, at that time, I had not formed a complete opinion about it.
Why did you start the Egretia project?
Huang Jun: I was working at Adobe in 2014 and because I was so optimistic about the development of HTML5 technology, I joined Egret technology. Four years ago, our opinion regarding the development of H5 games was that H5 gaming certainly could have better performance on the mobile platform. Earlier this year, Tencent, Facebook, and other internet giants all had a H5 game line. So our initial judgment about HTML5 was correct. We had following reasons to start Egretia: The first reason is based on our judgment regarding the trend of technology. The entire Blockchain market is still at an early stage. Starting Egretia now, a blockchain gaming technology service provider, seems relatively early, but we feel that this is a promising direction to take. Any and every technology will go through a long process from its birth to its rise in popularity. I do believe Blockchain technology is the trend of the future. If we just put enough energy and time into it, then we will certainly see blockchain technology grow in popularity. The second reason is that we need to see how a new technique can realize value. When the game “Catching Crazy Cats” was coming up as the front-runner of the first batch HTML5 games, we saw that the basic concept of the game was very simple. Then later, the type of game and rule became more and more diversified, even gradually developing into more complex, multiplayer games. Throughout the whole development process, content grew from less content to more, shifting from “the nature” to”the quantity”. So with in the same train of thought, along with the development of blockchain technologies also came the improvement of the ecological environment.. There will be a large number of requirements for DApps on the market. Today, there are a lot of projects to on the chain,and the biggest need is to have a real product as soon as possible. The third reason is that we should have plenty of developers to help build the ecological environment. Since the creation of Egret, we have always had one goal, and that is to create a complete workflow environment for development as well as provide easy-to-use tools as a one-stop solution for developers. After just four years of development, Egret now has over 200,000 developers across the world and Egret engine tools have already covered more than 1 billion mobile terminal equipment units. What is Egretia’s goal? Our slogan is to bring 200,000 Developers and one billion mobile terminals into the Blockchain world. Egret posseses mature and refined tools, comprising of 14 tools total. Through combining our existing tools and Blockchain technologies, we have sealed the complex APIs and chains in the background, greatly enhancing development efficiency. Developers can use their existing knowledge and skills, and do not need to spend too much energy and time in studying this complex new technology. Developers can focus more on developing fun DApps and let Egretia do the dirty work of complex tasks. What’s the value of doing these things? We observed that no matter what kind of new technology, it will require content and application to drive its growth. Why is VAR less popular now? The reason is that its technology is not friendly enough to developers, resulting in scarcity of content and an inability to have a complete and healthy ecological environment. Blockchain industry and technology will become more valuable as more apps come up. When tokens truly have users, it will then be able to liquidate in the market. Otherwise, the Token is only in the exchange, and there is no way it could cover the majority of the target users.
In the white papers, it mentioned the various roles Egretia Token has played within the system. A very important function is that it replaced the current game industry payment system. What problems does this resolve for the ecological participant?
Huang Jun: We will use Tokens within the Egretia system to build a complete economic system. For developers, if they have a good project, we can support and incubate it within our official Token. If they produce good content, eventually they can get Token from users. For the users, if he/she finds an interesting game, he/she can use the Token to support it, which is also a sort of recognition for the Developers. From the complete tool perspective, we will open-source our API so that everyone can help us improve the tools. As long as you provide constructive criticism to us, you will get official Token rewards. Ultimately, once our ecology become more prosperous , Token will be liquidated on the Egretia platform. At present, our primary task is to build the existing tools using blockchain technology, allowing developers to quickly produce more high-quality content that could become the next super-star game. 4.Egretia as a game development tool and service provider will be involved in the economic field of the entire game industry, and can even be considered to penetrate to the interior of the gaming economy. Do game developers and operators have any concerns about this? Huang Jun: I think for game developers and operators, they do not need to have concerns since we only offer value-added services. Why is it that most developers, after developing an Android version, also want to develop an IOS version? It is because they are hoping to reach more users. If their product in certain channels have been validated and well-received, why not put these products through Egretia, a convenient development channel, to the blockchain users? This is value-added service for them. They not only get extra Token but also accumulate more users. Developers will eventuallyfind that using blockchain technology and smart contracts can produce a truly fair game. I feel that developers will welcome this new channel and will enjoy using this new technology to contact more users.
If the Token could be widely used in all areas, it would certainly be more convenient for the users. But it might have some effects such as the disappearance of the current funding entrance but players’ asset liquidity would, on the other hand, be greatly enhanced. What are the advantages and disadvantages of the Tokken towards users and the industry? What do you think of these?
Huang Jun: I think Token will definitely have an impact on the entire industry, and the use of district blockchain technology will certainly change the traditional channels of communication. Traditional channels of communication, in reality, is a monopoly market, a centralized market. And if we are able to use blockchain technology to truly achieve decentralization, then the whole industry will be driven by the contents user’s really enjoy. This is no doubt a very healthy development trend. Blockchain technology’s impact is very broad and not just limited to the gaming industry. I have seen a lot of companies use the blockchain technology that IBM provides to enable companies to operate more efficiently while reducing waste resources. I believe that in the future we will see more and more great products and more and more practical applications accepted by the companies. They should grow in profit through this process.
The design of Egretia, also referred to as various virtual assets stored in a wallet, would involve large amounts of data being stored on the chain. Will this cause problems in efficiency and storage capacity?
Huang Jun: No matter whether for gaming or public chain, TPS, or the speed of the transaction, is the primary problem we need to solve. I think there are a few steps for this: The first step is, a lot of the games developers make are merely payment connected, and you can buy simple items such as resurrection cards, magic cards, etc. The second step — connect the core assets to the blockchain. By doing this, the total number of assets will not be able to be easily changed and the issue of fairness of the game will be resolved. We are currently testing our internal network and have reached nearly 3000 TPS, a speed fully capable of supporting a large number of transactions within the games. The next step for when we reach a better and faster computing power is to put the game logic into the smart contract. For certain types of games, chess for example, fairness is very important and so we can put its game logic on the blockchain and place it inside the smart contract. I personally prefer step-by-step to achieve a variety of functions. When H5 technology and games were just coming out, we all thought that “Catch Crazy Cat,” this kind of product, couldn’t be called a true “game” since its rules are very simple and the graphics are very basic. Including — and especially — the first blockchain game “Crypto Cats,” we also feel like this cannot be called a real game. However, technical development is an iterative process. Just like for original website games, beginning with car parking games, stealing food games, then developing into interactive games, and then later 3-D page games. All technical and content development will go through a gradual, evolutionary process. Blockchain technology is able to resolve some long-standing problems in the gaming industry, such as “opaque data.” Although current blockchain technology is not a perfect solution, I am very optimistic about its future. There will be more and more Blockchain-based content being developed to improve content on demand and even improve the performance of the blockchain. Why Bitcoin fork? What’s the next generation of Ethereum? What problems does EOS super node solve? It is because we have real needs and these needs drive the technology progress. With more and more applications popping up, users’ demand will increase too. Projects, including Egretia, will gradually iterate and improve. Rome is not built in one night.
The White Paper mentions that players can mine the token. What can you tell us about this mechanism?
Huang Jun: This is an idea somewhat similar to an incentive mechanism for the community or the player. Our initial thought is to have an algorithm that incentivizes users base on live time. Of course, after our chain goes online, we may provide relevant software solutions or hardware solutions, but for now the plan has not been finalized yet. 8.Egretia’s incentive mechanism is POG. Will it have an incentivation problem? Huang Chun: This is exactly what we need to pay attention to to try and avoid. We will design a good standard and judgment mechanism. If a Token and some points have a certain exchange relationship, then users may use this relationship incentivize more points in exchange for more Tokens. This is what the front-end and back-end must solve. But the entire industry is facing the same problem as well.
Why does Egretia want to build their own chain? Similar DPOS-using mechanisms have EOS and BTS, and so, why not just choose one of them?
Huang Jun: First of all, our strength is to provide front-end and back-end services and create the workflow. Our tools, SDK, and cloud services will support the mainstream public chain, such as EOS, Ethereum, and so on. Our vision is not only to support our own chains. So why do we want to do it ourselves? Because we need to improve some features, particularly for the game industry. Ethereum is a mature and stable chain, so why not just do it on top of it? Operationally Ethereum is fine, but for games, we have found that it cannot meet certain requirements, so it is better to re-design a chain specifically for the gaming industry. Based on the demand from the gaming industry, we will gradually perfect Egretia’s public chain. I have developed a process which, if there are other chains issued that are very suitable to the gaming industry, we will consider it. Our front-end and back-end technology could quickly access the chain.
Egretia plans to give the game server-side access to the network and become a blockchain node. Will this increase the input costs?
Huang Chun: This is the service we wanted to offer to aim at reducing costs for small and medium teams. Big development teams can build servers for themselves but many small and medium developers may prefer to access existing back-end services. Our partners, or us ourselves, can provide more convenient service. For example, those who develop a multiplayer game could quickly connect to the nearest server to ensure a better user experience.
The reform Egretia brings to the game developer is not just for technology. Since there is no developed method to allow for centralized service access to the blockchain, developers might need to consider transitions in the development process, too. In addition to providing a convenient development tool what else can Egretia provide?
Huang Chun: We will maintain long-term communication with our developers, including social and technical forums where members can learn from each other. We will also organize periodic blockchain game conferences everyone can work together to understand the future of blockchain games. In the blockchain industry, just talking about empty concepts cannot bring about real growth. We need to explore together and and push to further the entire industry. We will also support a number of high-quality business developer teams, and thus contribute to the blockchain applications. We are currently planning to organize a blockchain gaming conference in late May, and after that other countries will have similar conferences too. We hope to gather more developers to push the development of the industry.
For blockchain gaming, maybe due to the industry’s threshold, users are typically people from the coin world. There are not many traditional game players coming in. Do you have any solutions to this problem?
Huang Wei: I think users need a guided process. Players in the coin world may have some intersection with traditional game players, but that’s not absolute. The most important thing is how to design a game for users in the coin world based on their special characteristics. For traditional game players, how to solve their understanding of Token and how to provide them with more convenient Token payment methods. At present, users need to install wallets to play games. After the wallet is installed, where Token comes from, how to get an airdrop, how to go to the exchange, and so on, the users do not understand. In this case, the entire industry does not actually open to the public. And getting through this whole process requires the collaboration of the entire industry. This is also what we want to do in the future. We will work with wallets and exchanges. Users who are not in the coin world can also have a better experience and use Token more smoothly.
Recently, Cocos2D and Unity3D both stated that they are willing to enter the blockchain industry. Are they competitors of Egretia? What is your view on their move into the blockchain sphere?
Huang Hao: If there is no competition in the industry, then it means that the industry simply will not flourish. I think that competition is a good thing. Cocos2D is an old brand for many years. And for Unity3D, no matter if you’re looking at their product or business model, they’re great at both. Unity is also working with third parties to introduce the Token mechanism. I think these are all positive signals. We are very open about this kind of competition. It requires competition to be able to make yourself better. More and more people want to do this, indicating that this industry is doing well and the is are moving in the right.
The roadmap shows that in 2018 Quarter 2 you will release testnet and other tools. When did Egretia start development work?
Huang Hao: Developmental work has been going on for more than a year. In addition to our own team, there are some strategic partners of ours working together on development. Internal testing is currently going on but has not been opened to the public yet. At present, the testnet and test tools are planned to be announced at the end of the second quarter, and will be availble for everyone to test. 15.Egretia mentioned that it will support game development teams and individuals. We as a blockchain related media have also been exposed to a number of developers interested in blockchain games. Can you tell us what resources and help Egretia will give to game developers, and what the requirements and restrictions are for developers? Huang Wei: First of all, as for the requirements and restrictions, I don’t think there will be any restrictions. As long as it is a good team, a good idea, or they have a proven product, we can provide support. We will provide support from both technical and financial aspects. On the technical side, we can help them better connect to blockchain technology. With respect to finances, we can help them solve the team’s survival and development issues through equity investment, Token investment, and so on.
What entity manages .com, .net, .gov, .us, .cn domains?
For the longest time I still have not a clue how this works. I am not sure if this is the right subreddit or something like networking This is all I understand so far about the web (or internet?), computers, and electronics in general (its super long just skip to bold part if you need to) INTERNET:
Computers linked to network with standard protocols, such as HTTP/ HTTPS over the world wide consortium standards, forming conglomerate of computers linked together. ISP's take information from said networks and transfer data to other ISP's via nodes, through hardwire connections and transatlantic cable.
IP addresses identify your local network through the ISP. Subnet mask, gateways, etc and traffic can be redirected via VPN. Also, on local side, you have the PC=>Router (optional) => Modem => ISP, where the router helps divide the modem so multiple PC's can connect to one line. Also WiFi operates by a specific hardware device (wifi dongle, router) and transfers information via electromagnetic waves. Same with cellphones (Via cellphone towers). Also satellites help direct cellular traffic through direct line of sight connections from user=>satellite=>user.
URL's utilize world wide consortium stsandards, using www. as the default subdomain, the web address, and the end? domain (like .com)
Domains are rented out through 3rd parties such as godaddy, and are never physically owned. Subdomains are like m.reddit.com (for mobile use) or MyWebsite.blogspot.com
Search engines like google uses properitary algorithms /datastacks/ web crawlers to build a huge database of all existing URL's and rates them through its servers (SEO)
Servers are just high powered PC's generally running Linux and processes incoming data / sends out packets of data, generally in fancy server rooms
DDoS is denial of service through botnet attacks via malware infections of computers, utilizing other people's computer resources (there's more than one way of doing this). Also, ports get overridden with lots of useless requests, denying service to legit people who want to use said site hosted on said server
Throttling occurs due to ISP's limiting data pipeline through its end, not sure what goes on here though
Deep web (or dark web?) is essentially hosting a bunch of private URLs, not visible publicly and accessed through specific private search engines.
Torrents are accessed via peer 2 peer (Seeding and leeching) and managed client-side with utorrent, rutorrent, etc which manages traffic for the requests for .torrent downloads, and public torrent links are through sites like pirate bay, kickass torrents, etc
Programming languages (Fortran, C++, Java) were generally formed originally from assembly code and binary in the form of different modules. People had different opinions of how data and protocols were made, so hence different languages
Virtual machines, its a high powered PC generally that divides its resources to host several virtual PC's. Lots of variations of how datastacks are managed
Personal computers work via motherboard, ram sticks, GPU (like nvidia GTX Titan or intel graphics 4000), Cores / hyperthreading (like corei7 from intel), monitors, etc. Say you run a PC without internet and run a game like witcher 3. You run an executable file, which is written by C++. GPU renders data supplied by executable, (e.g. render this room given this data under this game engine), ram (random access memory) is used as all the unprocessed data needs to sit somewhere?, various caches (L3) for processing common data quickly, core (i7) for processing data as a whole, motherboard and OS mediates all data being transferred.
Github is used for subversion control, and its now cloud based too (although it was originally local / lan only). Github is done via pulls , requests, call, etc. to monitor versions. You can technically emulate this on paper using sticky notes, but its not efficient
Hardware electronic wise, voltage and current is analgous to a water pipeline, where VOLUME WATER FLOW = CIRCUMFERENCE * VELOCITY WATER. In this case, POWER = VOLTAGE * CURRENT. Kerchoff's law, parallel series circuits, PCIBs, quantum theory, transistors (3 prongs), OR NAND NOT gates, arrays, resistors, potentiometers, timers, arduino, bread boards, soldering, relays, switches, that kind of thing (I'm not an EE). Anyways, hardware generally requires a specific amount of voltage and current for things to run on the computer
Operating Systems are linux, windows, macs, etc, and runs through a succession of modules created by assembly code and programming based languages such as C++.
DBMS utilizes crud (create read update delete). MySQL works. Can be emulated on a piece of paper, technically
XML (eXtensible markup language) just is used to communicate between different languages
API (application programming interface) is basically a user manual of all the functions publicly available to pull from a program, locally or on a server. E.G. imgur provides a bunch of API's, I can use its resources because I know said API, and make a program out of it. UPS has a bunch of available API, so I can pull that shit and make a ecommerce shipping module or something.
RAID (RAID 1-5) is just like how data is split into different hard drives. E.G. I have a file. File is split 3 ways into 3 different raid drives and pulled all at once when I request for it, its done this way because file transfers are faster when split into multiple data pipelines.)
Ads make the web profitable. Lots of big name companies make lots of $ selling services and goods at high margins, goes back and dumps money in marketing. Facebook CPC, youtube Ads, youtube videos with ads built into the video (techquickie), social media (instagram, kik, w/e), free game riddled with sidebar ads, banner ads, adblock letting forbe's ads through. Or 4% amazon commission based on referrals. Or Hulu plus style ads, pay to get rid of ads / pay for full service.
web services and goods. microsoft office, reddit gold, renting a server, anything on amazon, that kind of thing. Money.
bitcoin is cryptography based, and can be mined (but not profitable due to energy and hardware limitations for the average person). Bitcoin is generated through computers working out some sort of very encrpyted password node. Bitcoins stored on a server side application (Accessed via website), or through just a web URL, or a client side application (on your phone, desktop program). Bitcoin bought through local transactions, link credentials and bank account, also not easily traceable? (debatable here)
Blackhat Hacking (what people think of generally, not DIY hardware hacks, writing a program, or modifying an existing code) is done on unsecured websites. Usually said website is running some backend application like wordpress, shopify, drupal, modules commerce. Changes are made in the core code over time, and those changes sometimes lead to vulnerabilities that people aren't aware. Hackers send requests (MySQL injection is one of these?) to find more about how the server side application works, and looks for some way to override and obtain admin credentials by having server side reveal this information. White hat is the opposite. Red hat is for linux
Virus, worms, trojans. Usually runs on an attached .exe file or application, but has been known to somehow work with images too. Also worked with emails (worms) in the past. This is mostly magic to me too, I just know how to prevent it. PUP is just potentially unwanted programs (aka bloatware) that comes preinstalled from HP / ASUS/ ACER, etc, or comes along for the ride when you download a program off Cnet.
Data selling. Especially mobile apps (I mean you have to give them permission on everything), they take data, sell to data brokers, which businesses buy to make marketing decisions. Same with lots of things that don't seem to generate money, e.g. chrome plugins, you are the money generator for them via data. Insert google overlords and big 5 internet companies giving data to government via PRISM/snowden (didn't something like this go into effect in 2015?) . Also insert malicious data theft and brokers (social engineering, telemarketers trying to get your credit card, entering information on non HTTPS secured sites).
VoIP is just a specific protocol (like https) for how phone calls transferred over web, and maintain quality of said audio
Image compression is done via bit map rasterization. DNG files or propietary raw formats are utilized in native applications like adobe photoshop. .GIFS are simply image slideshows, actually all videos are image slideshows. Vectorization is mostly talked about when using illustrator or cad based programs (Solidworks, CATIA, AutoCAD)
Programs can be bypassed (e.g. Sony Vegas Pro) by core modification of its files (you'd need to breach password credentials though?) and be made into a "crack file" . A keygen treats the program normally, but just bypasses security checks externally (e.g. preventing company server from doing checks by blocking certain URLs, and a keygen from Xforce that is made by finding security criteria for successful serial# installs)
Rooting your phone is like getting full super user access on linux, but also comes at a price leaving you vulnerable to security breaches
Domain name service managers like namecheap just helps you manage how you rent your domain.
FTP is file transfer protocol to transfer files from one computer to another. SFTP is just secured FTP, whatever that means. SSH is shell access, e.g. almost like your sitting on that computer over on the other side of the world as opposed to just accessing files only.
Email servers are done by IMAP, POP3, email is transferred purely text based (attached files go through a different channel) to be sent from one email to another via email. POP3 is stored more localish side, IMAP is more server based (its slower, but easily accessible anywhere)
Windows API, windows registry, Linux commands are still magic to me. Sudo super user something.
Okay, but who manages the .info, .com, .net, .cn, .rs, and .gov top level domains? There's obviously some domains that are specific to countries, and are most likely managed by that countries' government entity. E.G (.us for usa? .ws for russia, .cn for china) but aren't nearly as popular as the .net and .com domains. .Org and .gov are US? government regulated top level domains to my knowledge, where .org is mostly nonprofit. U.S.A uses .gov domains for its government organizations So I understand that some countries government manages that domain. But what about public top level domains, like .com, .info, .net, .ca? Who manages the database for those? Who gives authority to godaddy for those domains for rent? Who mediates copyright conflicts for those domains? (E.G. say my name is Mike Cro Soft, and I wanted to rent a domain called mikecrosoft, but get DMCA'd / copyrighted by microsoft.com) Like, what are the big organizations mediating internet protocols and legislation on a global scale? Who or what has access to the biggest picture of the web, and its workings and backend? sorry for the long wall of text, I've been missing some vital information on how the web? (or is it internet?) works disclaimer: I don't take CS classes and did not major in computer science. So I might be really off in what i understand about the internet as a whole. Most of this is just what I learned from browsing reddit and youtube Apologies in advance if i butchered a bunch of terms and how things work. I just wrote things as they randomly came to me
Tales of IT converted to plain text for the sake of legibility
I got hired by my Dad to do IT. I know very little about IT besides games. These are my IT stories. be first day
> woman asks me if I can install the latest version of adobe reader > fuck ya I got this DL like a boss > "Wow you're like a computer expert" > "Well you know..." > Asked to input admin credentials > forget admin credentials > try admin:password > nope.jpg > "uhhhh... uhhhh... oh crap somethings going on with the server.. be right back" > 3 months later she still doesn't have adobe reader
More? be day 2
> angry guy is on the phone asking me about some weird in house program > have no idea what the fuck he's saying > there's a pause > he's waiting for an answer > think back to the IT crowd > "Have you tried turning it on and off again" > "Like restarting" > "Give me a sec..." > it fucking worked
> hot sales rep comes in with laptop issues > she's 9/10 cougar > all flirty with me > tells me she needs something updated > can only hear her boobs > her laptop smells like strawberrys > download adobe reader for her and hand it back
> figure out how to turn off the servers > when people start asking for help > go into server room > turn off servers > come out oblivious and start downloading adobe reader > eventually people start screaming > THE SITES DOWN! THE SITES DOWN! > "I'm on it!" > run back to the server room > play hotline miami in the back for few hours > turn server back on near end of day > come out of server room > wipe brow from face > "I did it..." > people are singing my praises saying i saved the day > really just saved the girlfriend in HM
> run into cougar at coffee machine > ask her how things are going, just a general statement > instantly thinks im talking shop > starts telling me all the shit wrong with her computer > she doesn't see me as a human > she sees me as an it > tell her to drop off her laptop > she does > I upgrade her ie > download adobe reader > restart the machine > everythings fucking working > run it back to her > fix my hair > check my breath > act like I saved the day > she's in her office on the phone > she motions to put on her desk >1 do...kind of linger > "Is that everything hun?" > leave > hear her say "oh it was just IT" > just IT > that is all I am now
> really bored > decide to download a gameboy emulator and play some pokemon > the webfilters blocking it so I turn it off the whole thing I dont just whitelist it, I turn it all off > get to emulator site but now I need to turn off the antivirus > use the admin which I now know to do it... > end up turning off the whole antivirus settings on the server > download my emulator and rom > play my game > guy comes into my office > "I think I caught I virus" > me "gotta catch em all" > by the time I'm facing Misty 4 people have viruses
> same guy that was yelling at me day 2 is yelling at me > he cant remotely log in just as I am about to leave to go home > "Try turning it off then on again then call me back" > go home
> guy call from day 7 calls back > he's pissed > tells me he lost a client because of my stupidity > "shit happens man. I lost to team rocket like 10 minute ago" > "what the fuck are you talking about?" > click
> one of the printers is out of toner > some fat guy tells me to change it > "it's a toner man... can't you change it? I'm working on this huge issue with the server" > was really downloading steam > "it'll take a second... god I have much more important stuff to do... that's why you're here" > sigh and go do it > cant figure out how to fucking open the fucking cartridge door > start hitting it like they do in zoolander > tell the poor mentally challenged guy in the mail room I have a special job for him > he has to hide the magic egg in the chest of Hewlet Packard > go back to my server business > half an hour later the fat guy comes into my office > "What the fuck did you do to the printer?" > "Changed the toner" > He just starts shaking his head and muttering shit > we walk over to it > the mailroom guy jammed the cartridge in the wrong way and actually lodged it in there so half of it is sticking out > the door cant even close > there's black hand prints all over the printer too > Can feel the guy judging me so I just spew bullshit > "Looks to be a probably with the network." > the printer was down for over a month before I figured out we have a printer guy on call
> have to set up projector in the boardroom > cant find a thunderbolt to hdmi cable to hook it up to lazy to go to the store > dont even have a corporate card either > tell the people needing the projector that there's a compatibility issue with macbooks > they use some guys dellbook > the files from the mac end up not running on the dellbook > call me in mid meeting > all these business people staring at me as I am randomly clicking folders as fast as possible to look like I am pro > download adobe reader > double click files > works > "Thanks Anon, you saved me"
> there's a new hire > no one fucking told me anything > get screamed at that theres no computer for this new person > go in back to see if we have any spares > there's a few > but there's also some really old pcs from like the early 90's > boot it up > works > set up new person > everything lags > you open adobe reader? massive fucking lag > send out the computer > "it's the best we've got on short notice" > get like 40 sharepoint tickets the first day from that person > he's a real stickler for help > he ends up quitting the very next week saying he can't work under these conditions
> someones computer crashed > fuuuuuuuuck > set up computer > remember something about profiles being saved on the network > go back to the server room > look at the server rack like a total idiot as I try and figure out in my head how this works > tell the guy all his data is lost and there's nothing I can do > "b-b-bbut my project... i have to present that to the board on friday..." > "gone, man. It's gone" > play sim theme park the rest of the day
> roll up to work an hour late > whole office is in chaos > fallofrome.jpg > "HE'S HERE!" > Go in to my office open up mail > dozens of emails like: > "Hey is there something wrong with the server I can't log in to..." > "Any idea why the site is down I..." > the server is actually down > adobe reader can't save me now > "Just go back there and do what you did last time!" > everyone thinks its an easy solve > literally shaking in the server room because I don't know what to do > nap in server room for entire day > people are pissed can hear them banging on server door > we've missed deadlines > leave at 6:30 pm > the CFO sees me in the parking lot > hes been in a meeting all day doesn't know about my struggles > "You're still here?! That's the kind of can-do attitude I like to see"
> server is still down > my dads asking questions > everyone is pissed > take an early lunch > over hear some guys at the restaurant talking about buying a new modem for the office > hailmary.jpg > "Hey sorry to bother you during your lunch...but would either of you happen to be IT?" > before either of them could read me the riot act and tell me something like how the fuck dare I > I'm IT too > I show them my hand that I scratched up crawling wire on the floor > they nod > "What would you try doing if your server is completely fucked?" > "Have you tried restarting it?" > I go back and restart the physical machine > it fucking works
> hot cougar walks by office looking distressed > "Everything okay?" > "Oh good... I can't log into my email... can you please help me... PLEASE" > "I got you." > get her laptop > re-install microsoft office > outlook works again > poke through her emails to make sure things are working > send a test file > read the titles of her latest emails > "Divorce" > hand back her laptop > "Looks like its working now" > "Thanks..." > "Everything okay?" > "Well..." > this is fucking it, tell me your sob stories cougar woman and then its or > "My mouse is acting a bit funny, can I get a new one"
> one of the mailroom guy's monitors isn't working > it's coming up all green > backstory: there's been a huge misappropriation of funds because I gave him dual monitors just because he's a mentally challenged and I figured if anyone needs 2 screens its him > all he does is look at msn slideshows > and use the fedex webapp or something > he's a nice guy so I actually try and fix it for him > nothings working > think its a driver issue > think its a setting issue > think its an actual hardware issue > whole time people are coming to me with real problems but I keep saying "I'll be there in a minute" > after 2 hours the mailroom guy goes > "maybe da pug ish boken" > I swapped out the hdmi cable with a brand new one > it worked > I officially am less adept at my job then a poor mentally challenged guy
> nice old woman who talks to me about sports tells me her keyboard is shit > she's oldest person in the office by far > old as dirt > tell her I have just the thing > go in the back and unbox a brand new keyboard meant for the programmers > bring it to the old woman > "You're such a helpful young man" > reach down awkwardly to plug in the new keyboard > get back up and dust pants off > old lady looks like she's having a heart attack > look at the screen > it's fucking blank > on my way back up to my feet I hit the power button > she lost 3 hours of work > 3 hours that old woman will never ever see again
> company meeting > we're over budget > there has been ridiculous spending > "we've lost money for almost a month > day 18 > almost a month > they are going to out me > IT budget comes up in discussion > we're one of 2 departments that are coming under budget > "Great job Anon. I heard about the server issues here... you're the man" > at the end of the meeting a 45 year old events planner asks me if I fix computers on the side > "Not really..." > "Oh... I have this one blasted thing that needs fixing. You couldn't just come over and fix it?" > bullshit > for a laugh I say, "yeah it's cool, just give me your address and I'll be over after work" > not sure if I'm getting sex > buy condoms > she's not that hot like a 6/10 tops > not even going to lie > last call kind of hot > arrive at her house > ring the door bell while standing all suave leaned up against the door > her husband answers the door > shows me to the computer > install the latest version of adobe reader > get $20 > go home
> some guy crashes a program so I have to reinput the settings > go onto his cubicle mates computer > check settings > 2 hours later > "You wrecked my computer... I want my fucking computer back exactly how it was I don't know what you did but somethings off my usb drive is buzzing..." > wtf > I didnt do shit to your computer. I checked a program you open 20 times a day > super pissed so I go back into the server room and play Thomas Was None > hear knock on server room door > its the cubtclemate > "Hey, Thanks for fixing it. > "Fixing what?" > "The my usb drive" > I didn't do shit lol > "Oh yeah don't mention it"
> spend entire day cleaning the server room up > getting it all nice > just unplugging network cables wily nifty so I can colour coordinate them > people are losing their shit > they are randomly getting kicked off > tell people there are some issues with our isp > I make sure to say I-S-P as I have now learned by spelling in abbreviations no matter how common makes you sound techy > by the end of the day the server rack is all classy looking > unfortunately I never mapped anything and a handful of people can't connect because their ports aren't connected to anything > tell them the I-S-P will have it done ASAP and go home
> now that the server room is all clean I set up all the test boxes in the back > 8 machines in total all connected to the network > try joining monitors all together like you see on cool threads, you know like the racing ones? > realize these are shit old monitors and you can't do that > come up with the great idea of bitcoin mining with these boxes > set it up for the first half of the day > after lunch I'm mining > terribly but I am mining > people start complaining about server lag > blame the lag on the olympics > suggest that the whole office must be streaming it > ban the olympics on the web filter > office is divided; can see the divide in my email > people who are pissed about not being able to watch the olympics > and the keeners who think its all work and no play at work > I've officially gained power though, people respect me for making this mandate > "He's a real company guy"
> its birthday day > office celebrates all the months birthdays > take cake > set up n64 in the boardroom > challenge people in the office to goldeneye > keep saying "Hey I'm just taking a 5 minute break for some cake want a quick game?" > own the shit out of all of them > realize I did absolutely nothing all day but eat cake and game > no one ever noticed
> cougar calls in from the road > she's having trouble accessing a key app for a client on her ipad > she tells me its name > have no idea what it is > but make sure to sound astute > ask her if she's using WIFI or 3G > "How do I check" > "Nevermind let me check from my maincore system" > google the app but nothing comes up > ask one of the other sales people > "oh it's just an infographic on our main site" > tell the hot cougar to come into the office because it's going to require me to hardcode the changes in > she drives 2 hours to come to the office so I can open up Safari and bookmark it to her ipad homepage
I'll continue this tomorrow, believe it or not there's an ending to this but I can't get to it today. day 24
> people heard from the 45 year old events planner I do house calls > bunch of idiots are bringing in their home computers, mobile devices, anything technical for me to fix > tell people I can only do it after hours and I charge $20 for small stuff and $50 for large. > most of it is simple fixes > windows updates or adobe reader installs fix it > but then I get it > the laptop from hell > this fat indian guy hands me his laptop in a plastic bag, not a laptop bag, a plastic one > "What's wrong with it?" > "You tell me genius" > Load it up and it's asking for some system restore or something. > just hit next and okay > fixes it but it says I need to load chkdisk? > figure that has something to do with the cd drive > open it up > there's a thick fucking layer of bread crumbs in the tray > tilted the machine to its side > motherfucking bread crumbs just pouring out of the laptop > restart the machine > it loads perfectly > turns out the guy was using it as a tray for his morning bagel > fucking toaster laptops
Hi AV its the IT guy from yesterday day 25
> even though I'm shit at IT > one guy thinks because I am IT I am super techy > he asks me what my favourite browser is > "Google.... Ultron" > "it like chrome?" > shit thats what I meant > "yeah...but better...it's what nasa uses" > "cool could you dl that for me?" > gulp > "yeah no worries" > literally start shaking the mouse back and forth so fast you can see the cursor > then ctrl alt deleted into task manager > "there....you go. All done. It looks like google chrome. but its really ultron. no one else can tell." > to this day he still thinks he runs google ultron
> some woman calls me over > "it'll just take a sec, it's super simple" > shit > asks me to hook her up to a new printer > she hops out of her chair and lets me sit down > forget how to add network printers > her and her friend are talking right over my shoulder staring at the screen > "Is this going to take long?" > I fake deep thought as I stare at the screen with one hand on my temple > "Anon? I have a deadline is this going to..." > "What the fuck..." > both of the women are startled > "THERE'S A VIRUS ON THIS MACHINE" > and I just storm off like I'm pissed
> learn about a remote access tool that the whole office uses > decide to haunt the old nice old lady from before > i randomly move the mouse for a few hours > she struggles to do basic tasks > she comes and asks me for a new mouse > oblige her > hook it up and leave > look back at remote tool > mouse is moving again, she opens up word > I begin to type > "Hi" > no response > "Hi > "Hello? Who is this?" > "It's death :("
> a guy asks me to burn him a copy of a dvd for a presentation > holy fuck I know how to do that > burn it for him > march back down to his office, proudly holding the dvd high in the air > Woman tries to stop me "Hey can you..." > "Not now... I've got IT business to attend to" > hand the guy his burned dvd > this might be one of the first things IVe done right here > tear in my eye > so proud of how far I have come > I am true IT > 5 minutes later I get a call "Hey...yeah there's nothing on the dvd..."
> give new hire her new laptop > nothing is fucking setup right > forgot to hook up her outlook to exchange > no worries she did it herself > cool > she asks me if I can type in the admin credentials so she can dl some social media tool > "Sure" > fuck up the login credentials like 3 times and get locked out > have to unlock it from my machine > can't figure it out but go back because I left my gameboy in her office > she starts making small talk > "So where'd you go to school to become an IT person?" > she's fucking on to me > try logging in once more to admin account > locked out still > "Yeah... you know what? I think this Hootsuite extension is a virus. I don't want that shit on my network"
> here's where shit starts to really hit the fan > as you know i had setup a bitcoin mining rig in the server room > it was just eating up all the bandwidth > the whole network was barely operational > and now because of my ineptitude and blaming things on viruses people started a rumour > that the whole network was being attacked by a rogue hacker group > after lunch I get pulled into a meeting by with all the execs > the jig is up > "As you know we've been experiencing a multitude of issues with our network..." > I'm fucked > "from the lag to the viruses" > so fucked > "We want you to head up the investigation and find out who's doing this and why" > ROFL > I am the fucking dirty cop on the force who's tasked with finding the dirty cop > I am the fucking law
> tell people I'm running server calibrations > "it's like dusting for finger prints" > no one's the wiser > show this one middle aged guy with a beard how to use a webapp > go to favourite it for him and put it on the toolbar > notice all of his favourites > Big titty housewife > Pajama Butt Slut > Mexican girl on bus > mouse over them as I mouth read them > he starts freaking out > begs me not to tell > "Why shouldn't I?" > "Ill buy you lunch" > got 10 chicken nuggets
> for some reason the entire office is having to fill in a captcha every time they google anything > have no idea why this happening > Google ultron guy asks me if this has to do with the virus and if he should be backing up his data > "First. Always back up your data." > he nods to my tech savvy > "Second. It's a security measure INce put in place. There are robots afoot." > he nods again like my word is law
> Ultron guy blabs and tells everyone about google ultron > now everyone in the fucking office has a sharepoint ticket asking for it to be installed > a few of the more competent people are asking me what the fuck google ultron is > I just give them finger guns until they walk away > have to spend entire day going from desktop to desktop pretending to dl google ultron > literally spend 3-4 hours pretending to dl software that nasa uses > one girl asks me if this even legal > "Are you a cop?" > she reports me to HR for "criminal like behaviour > have already explained to HR what google ultron is... > HR thinks its real > HR thinks nasa uses it > HR tells the narc to stop interfering with important technological matters because the narc doesnt know anything about IT like me > doesnt know anything about IT like me
> been playing portal 2 all day in my office > haven't heard so much as a complaint > haven't had to update adobe reader or adobe flash all fucking day > something's not right > no one's said shit about it > poke my head out of the office > everyone's heads down just typing away > starting to get worried > ask a guy how his computer is working > "Great. Ever since you downloaded Google Ultron, my whole computer has just been flying" > wtf > do a quick google search on google chrome > supposedly it automatically downloads the most up to date versions of adobe > omfg > if I don't have fucking adobe reader I'm fucking out of a job > send out mass email > ATTN: do not open google ultron it has been hacked > spend rest of day uninstalling and making IE the default browser
> people are becoming restless with the hackevirus stuff > they wonder why I haven't solved the case yet > some even believe its not a hacktivst group like I've been hinting > "We're not just dealing with amateurs here. We're dealing with the best. And that's why I need to update your antivirus scanner" > just to strike the fear into people I covertly turn on the computer of a person who's sick and stationed right in the middle of one of the larger areas > turn off her monitor > put speakers full > then go back to office and remote in > play Wham's Jitterbug at 3 second intervals throughout the day > eventually people Start coming to my office to report this > I nod > it's worse than I thought > "What? What is it?" > it's the Jitterbug gang. One of the world's best hacking groups" > "I've never heard of them." > "That's why they're the best"
> check messages > local police called > FUUUUCK > need to speak with me since I am IT about recent hacks on our organization > delete message > cougar comes into my office > asks if I can adjust her desktop so the wallpaper changes every couple of minutes > "Sure." > head over there with her > she tells me she's getting a divorce > "Oh." > Says she's actually starting to date again and it's pretty awkward > fuck it > "Wanna maybe grab a beer sometime after work?" > she laughs > "What? I mean why not?" > "You're joking right? You're IT..." > my eyes well up as I stare at adobe prompts me that reader has a new update > "Just gonna download this."
> feeling like shit today > cougar told her sales friends that I tried asking her out > people are laughing behind my back > can hear the whispers > "eww haha IT?!!! ewwwwww" > want to just open up a computer and jump through the moving cpu fan > mean sales guy who usually calls (yeah that one) stops by office > "My laptops not working" > I trudge over to his desk with him > hit the power button for a reset > don't say anything and just walk away > "If that's all you ever do.. Why do we need you?' > turn around > "what?" > "if you only ever just restart my computer... why are we paying you? I can restart my own damn computer" > grin > "Have you ever repaired a server here? Do you know how hard it is to get it operational? Remember how we were down for a day and a half?" > he shakes his head > "That's what I thought." > of course I just restarted it lol
> still feel like shit after the cougar shut me down > decide to block 1 major site on the webfilter every hour > feel like the Joker doing it > first youtube > then ebay > then reddit > hear the moans from people as they read my webfilter note > "This is a place of work not a fun house" > One woman storms into office > "This is not funny...this is serious" > "Why so serious?" I ask her > "I need you to unblock ebay" > lot seriously > "I HAVE AN AUCTION ENDING IN 5 MINUTES!" > put it back on the safe list > but it was too late > she missed out on her cellphone case > mwhahahahaha
> an "investigator" comes to the office > the execs were worried that we had too much to lose and wanted to bring in a professional > I'm fucked > show him around the office > he keeps asking to see the server room > "And this is Carol. She's a riot. Aren't you Carol" > doing everything I can to stall > we go back into the server room > he compliments me on how neat the cables are > think about picking up a monitor and bashing his skull in and then running away to mexico > cant do it > I'm not a monster > I'm IT > the guy goes onto the server > asks me for the login info > figure the jig is up > give it to him > he logs in > opens up IE > looks over his shoulder at me > "You don't need to be here" > "It's fine" > I need to be there when it happens > he literally starts shaking his mouse really quickly around IE clicking on random parts of the screen > I know because a popup for Home depot came up > he starts muttering to himself... "hmmm... hmmm" > watch him type in adobe reader in google > he dl's it > swings his cursor around some more > and then finally goes > "fucking hackers right?" > we are brothers he and I > IT brothers
> wake up and realize how lucky I truly am not to be fired or worse > see cougar girl walking into the office from parking lot > asks me how things are going > I think we finally put an end to the jitterbug gang > "no, I meant... not work stuff' > look at her strangely then smile. > "Oh you know how it is" > she flicks her hair and then laughs > what the fuck? > "Cool. I'm having problems opening a file...can you open it for me hun?" > sigh > "Yeah sure..." > we walk into her office she's being all flirty > click on the sharepoint link of a pdf file > won't open > download adobe reader > while it's loading I ask her what she's planning on doing on the weekend > "I'm going to the mountains with this guy for our first getaway" > stop adobe reader at 80% > walk right out > I am IT
> this hot yoga girl from events comes into my office > her keyboard keeps typing in french > too busy playing Happy bird to care > "so are you going to help me?" > "if things slow down. I've been swamped today" > "I'm going to fucking kill you" > she waggles her glorious yoga butt away > cute girl, and don't even care anymore just want day to fucking end > I hate this fucking job > all I do is get yelled at and download adobe reader > I cant even find the joy in games any more > Dad walks by > sees I'm looking blue > Dad takes me out for lunch > pats me on the shoulder > "I'm so proud of you son." > to date the company is in fucking shambles > and I still am primarily an adobe reader downloader > but I wouldn't change any of it for his very next words > "I love you son." Thanks guys and thanks Dad for the job. :) Don't forget to download your adobe readers guys.
I didn't make this, I converted it to text from the imgur images and am working on correcting it occasionally.
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