6 Best Cryptocurrency Apps for iOS iPhone and iPad of 2020

"Ask Me Anything" session from Ubcoin CEO and COO: best questions and answers

On April, 29 the two chief members of the Ubcoin Market Team — Felix (CEO) and Stan (COO) — participated in the AMA (Ask Me Anything) session for investors of Action Chris investor pool. We present here the most interesting questions and answers from the session, shedding more light on the Ubcoin MVP and projected marketing steps and features of the platform. Ubcoin Market ICO Stage 2 in ongoing with discounts 20–44% (depending on the investment amount). We reserve the right to organise special offers and/or AMA sessions for investor pools — please contact us on official email from the website if interested.
Is there a lock on the tokens? If yes, for how long?
Yes there’s a lock for investors, but no different from other projects — we keep Token locked until ICO finishes. The team has much longer locks.
Does UBCoin have an MVP for the MarketPlace ? If YES, any chance we could see it? (Website, Screenshots)
We have payments processing systems ready and working with UBank platform. It’s certified by Visa and Mastercard’s PCI DSS certificate. That means that our system can work with super sensitive data like user bank cards and any other personal information. We are now in the process of building Ubcoin Marketplace above the Ubank processing. We are planning to show first demo investment/marketplace in the beginning of June, starting from that time — all our investors will have online access to their personal space on our website and see every step we make when developing the system. So answering your questions — yes we have even more than MVP, and we’ll show it very soon :)
HUAWEI is getting bigger & bigger on the Mobile Phone Market, how big is the chance of getting „Pre Installed Apps“ of Ubank on the devices of HUAWEI as well, because SAMSUNG you already have this kind of partnership? (Awesome by the way)
There is some info from the press releases published in various media: “Huawei, the global developer of ICT solutions, will now be releasing smartphones with the pre-installed mobile application uBank. All Huawei smartphones, including Ascend and Honor of the latest modifications, will be equipped with a payment service, CNews told uBank. Owners of Huawei smartphones with pre-installed uBank will be able to pay for goods, mobile communications, internet, television, housing and utilities and other services from both the internal account of the application and the attached bank card. With the help of the service, users can ask for a loan from a friend or transfer money, as well as repay a loan. Payment for many services in the application is made without commission”. According to uBank, Huawei is the third mobile device manufacturer, with which uBank cooperates after Samsung and Fly.
What is your Marketing Strategy going to be, to get these predestined Users on UBMarket & to get them to use UBCoin?
Ubank surveyed its current users to measure interest in Ubcoin potential product: • 84% indicated their level of interest in cryptocurrencies was “high” or “above average”; • 79% expressed interest in Ubcoin service; • 6% indicated they currently already own one or more types of cryptocurrencies; • Among current cryptocurrency owners, only 2% indicated that they experience no complications when converting crypto to fiat for further spending on goods or services it’s important to mention that pre-installation agreements with phone development companies like Samsung, Fly, Huawei and others that we are going to work with in future — are already a big part of our marketing activities. It’s also super important to underline compared to other companies in blockchain field — we have a simple product for the end user, so i’ll be also easy to deliver our message to users both who understand blockchain or are just becoming interesting in crypto.
What are your personal feelings how well UBCoin could do on the Crypto Market becoming the EBAY OF CRYPTO?
Well, Ubcoin has a huge headstart overy any competitor in this sphere with its 16m+ app downloads and strong strategic partners like Samsung and others. While Ebays of the world cannot afford to get into cryptogame due to their overcautious compliance departments and huge shareholder liability, we can. We will lead this market niche. Which means that a reasonable investor can compare existing marketplaces valuation (e.g. market cap per user, or other metrics) with our forecast and see that the value of the company is going to be in the hundreds of millions.
So when customers want to buy or sell in UBmarket how will they go about it? can they use fiat or do they need tokens UB coins or what ?
Super easy. We are giving a ebay type platform to people who wants to get into or out of crypto. Just the same way — you have an old Ipad, you take a picture of it and publish it all inside Ubcoin app. You set the price in your currency let’s say you set 200$ — we take the average market price if UBC and show the recommended amount in UBC you need to set when publishing the add let’s say it’s 200 UBC 🙂 Then on the other side there’s a buyer — who want’ to buy your iPad, as he has crypto and wants to directly get an iPad, he doesn’t want to get in fiat first. There’s a messaging functionality in out app, buyer will be able to write to seller. Then if buyer confirms — the money is blocked in his account until the deal is done.
So what happens if the buyer is unfamiliar with crypto but would be willing to buy with Fiat?
We need to separate type of users, there are two: 1. I’m not familiar with crypto, and I want to become a crypto holder. Most likely — bitcoin of Etherium holder. That’s why I use UBcoin market. I just use anything old like iPad — “ instead “ of fiat money. We do not use fiat. Then after I sell my iPad, I get UBC tokens, and then I can change them to any other currencies in seconds. 2. Second type of users, Let’s say Steve, he already holds crypto. He will also definitely not want to use fiat money. He just takes his bitcoins, change them to UBC and buy anything that he would buy if he had fiat money. But he’s not taking risk of exchanging bitcoin to fiat.
How does smart contract kicks in. For instance, buyer receive the product but not willing to pay. How seller is protected?
Smart contract requires both parties to sign off on settlement of the transaction. The platform holds buyer’s funds in escrow while goods are in transit. Once received, if the goods are not of described quality or condition, the buyer’s funds are not released to the seller. If parties fail to settle amicably on their own, then the platform provides a two-tier dispute arbitration service. First tier of arbitration consists of two selected Ubcoin users with high enough rating and relevant to the geography, product, type of sale that is in dispute. If the dispute parties are not satisfied with the user arbitration, it goes to the second-tier — a Ubcoin arbiter who is a support staff member of Ubcoin. Funds/goods are released to the party found wronged by non-performance of the other party. Guilty party’s rating on the platform is decreased. Repeat offenders are suspended for a limited time. Worst offenders are banned from the platform. User of the platform are motivated to act as arbiters by a small fee reward and increased profile/user rating for quality arbitration. High user ratings qualify the user for preferential platform fee schedule and access to more premium features of the marketplace.
Ebay is notorious in charging fees to sellers, what’s the fee structure?
We employ a freemium model… sellers get two postings per month for free. additional posting will start from 1%. premium features, like priority review, top posting, targeting, etc will have a special commission fees, but definitely not as high as any of the existing marketplaces. And sellers don’t pay visa/mc/paypal fees, so that’s also big savings for them.
This is a global market place platform, how do you work with shipping carrier? It will be very expensive to ship item from Korea to US or some other county. Is ubcoin only allowed in local transaction?
Cross-border is definitely a big option. Over 25% of transactions in marketplaces these days occur between different countries. Users will see shipping options available in the marketplace. If Alibaba and Amazon taught us anything is that cross-border shipping doesn’t mean expensive. May take a bit longer and not all goods can be shipped, but overall it’s a healthy mix of local and cross-border trade. Besides, you know that there are great price disparities between different countries for same types of goods, even with shipping it is often cheaper to buy some things in Korea or China and have them sent to Germany or the U.S. The entire transaction is settled in UBC, but if shipping is involved, the seller will the charge pay his local shipping company directly in fiat, but the price he receives for the goods is in UBC and covers estimated shipping. Our roadmap sees an open API to be released in 2019 that shipping companies can use if they want to start accepting pmt in UBC and integrate seamlessly with Ubcoin Marketplace.
Ubcoin ICO Stage 2 in ongoing with discounts 20–44% (depending on the investment amount). We keep the right to organise special offers and/or AMA sessions for investor pool — please contact us if interested.
submitted by Ubcoin to u/Ubcoin [link] [comments]

(US) How-To, Online Poker w/ BTC - Play in minutes

This is a quick guide on how to first purchase Bitcoins and begin playing online poker in only a few minutes.
A couple disclaimers first.
SealswithClubs.eu: Will start here as you will need the virtual wallet created automatically with each new account when you purchase Bitcoins.
  1. Register an account at www.sealswithclubs.eu
  2. Once registered, open "My Account" in a browser tab and leave it open as it will be needed in a moment.
Zipmark: an iOS app available on iPhone/iPad.
  1. Install the Zipmark free app to your iPhone or iPad
  2. Register an account with Zipmark: Add all necessary info during this registration which includes bank account, address, and drivers license identification number.
  3. Leave the app open but set the device aside for a moment and get back on a computer.
BitInstant.com: the currency exchange site, USD to BTC.
  1. Register one last account with Bitinstant.com.
  2. Once registered, click New Transaction
  3. Enter the amount in USD you would like to convert to BTC and select Bank Account as the funding source. For destination choose Wallet Address.
  4. Go back to the Sealswithclubs.eu tab that you left open and copy the Current Cash-in Address. Make sure that you copy this perfectly and do not miss any character or add any additional spacing.
  5. Go back to the BitInstant page and paste the Current Cash-In Address.
  6. Agree to the terms and click Place Order.
  7. Now on your iPhone/iPad, use the the Capture Zipmark button and scan the QR code on the BitInstant page.
  8. Confirm the transaction and boom, it's done.
From here BitInstant will process the BTC transaction instantly. SealsWithClubs will have some minor delay (for me this was a little over 5 minutes). I suggest you use this time to do two things: first, install the SealsWithClubs poker application. Second, add a Google Authenticator to your SealsWithClubs account for extra security.
Good luck and if you see me online try not to take too much of money :)
Update: Spaced this reference. Thanks to music4mic and OP of the thread his comment was in.
submitted by cazter to poker [link] [comments]

Small business looking for easy to use (iPad)app to accept bitcoin in person.

I've read a bit on how to accept bitcoins and read through this guide. I was looking at coinbase but realized they only currently have a POS version for android.
What I want is an app for our iPad (already in place and set up for square payments) that my employees can run without me there and I don't have to worry about over-complicating things. I also want a service I can trust and one that can automatically convert and deposit USD if I am away for an extended time so I have the option to set it and forget it.
What would you recommend, there are so many I feel lost!
submitted by Buckleface to BitcoinBeginners [link] [comments]

Tales of IT converted to plain text for the sake of legibility

I got hired by my Dad to do IT. I know very little about IT besides games. These are my IT stories. be first day
 > woman asks me if I can install the latest version of adobe reader > fuck ya I got this DL like a boss > "Wow you're like a computer expert" > "Well you know..." > Asked to input admin credentials > forget admin credentials > try admin:password > nope.jpg > "uhhhh... uhhhh... oh crap somethings going on with the server.. be right back" > 3 months later she still doesn't have adobe reader 
be day 2
 > angry guy is on the phone asking me about some weird in house program > have no idea what the fuck he's saying > there's a pause > he's waiting for an answer > think back to the IT crowd > "Have you tried turning it on and off again" > "Like restarting" > "Give me a sec..." > it fucking worked 
day 3
 > hot sales rep comes in with laptop issues > she's 9/10 cougar > all flirty with me > tells me she needs something updated > can only hear her boobs > her laptop smells like strawberrys > download adobe reader for her and hand it back 
day 4
 > figure out how to turn off the servers > when people start asking for help > go into server room > turn off servers > come out oblivious and start downloading adobe reader > eventually people start screaming > THE SITES DOWN! THE SITES DOWN! > "I'm on it!" > run back to the server room > play hotline miami in the back for few hours > turn server back on near end of day > come out of server room > wipe brow from face > "I did it..." > people are singing my praises saying i saved the day > really just saved the girlfriend in HM 
day 5
 > run into cougar at coffee machine > ask her how things are going, just a general statement > instantly thinks im talking shop > starts telling me all the shit wrong with her computer > she doesn't see me as a human > she sees me as an it > tell her to drop off her laptop > she does > I upgrade her ie > download adobe reader > restart the machine > everythings fucking working > run it back to her > fix my hair > check my breath > act like I saved the day > she's in her office on the phone > she motions to put on her desk >1 do...kind of linger > "Is that everything hun?" > leave > hear her say "oh it was just IT" > just IT > that is all I am now 
day 6
 > really bored > decide to download a gameboy emulator and play some pokemon > the webfilters blocking it so I turn it off the whole thing I dont just whitelist it, I turn it all off > get to emulator site but now I need to turn off the antivirus > use the admin which I now know to do it... > end up turning off the whole antivirus settings on the server > download my emulator and rom > play my game > guy comes into my office > "I think I caught I virus" > me "gotta catch em all" > by the time I'm facing Misty 4 people have viruses 
day 7
 > same guy that was yelling at me day 2 is yelling at me > he cant remotely log in just as I am about to leave to go home > "Try turning it off then on again then call me back" > go home 
day 8
 > guy call from day 7 calls back > he's pissed > tells me he lost a client because of my stupidity > "shit happens man. I lost to team rocket like 10 minute ago" > "what the fuck are you talking about?" > click 
day 9
 > one of the printers is out of toner > some fat guy tells me to change it > "it's a toner man... can't you change it? I'm working on this huge issue with the server" > was really downloading steam > "it'll take a second... god I have much more important stuff to do... that's why you're here" > sigh and go do it > cant figure out how to fucking open the fucking cartridge door > start hitting it like they do in zoolander > tell the poor mentally challenged guy in the mail room I have a special job for him > he has to hide the magic egg in the chest of Hewlet Packard > go back to my server business > half an hour later the fat guy comes into my office > "What the fuck did you do to the printer?" > "Changed the toner" > He just starts shaking his head and muttering shit > we walk over to it > the mailroom guy jammed the cartridge in the wrong way and actually lodged it in there so half of it is sticking out > the door cant even close > there's black hand prints all over the printer too > Can feel the guy judging me so I just spew bullshit > "Looks to be a probably with the network." > the printer was down for over a month before I figured out we have a printer guy on call 
day 10
 > have to set up projector in the boardroom > cant find a thunderbolt to hdmi cable to hook it up to lazy to go to the store > dont even have a corporate card either > tell the people needing the projector that there's a compatibility issue with macbooks > they use some guys dellbook > the files from the mac end up not running on the dellbook > call me in mid meeting > all these business people staring at me as I am randomly clicking folders as fast as possible to look like I am pro > download adobe reader > double click files > works > "Thanks Anon, you saved me" 
day 11
 > there's a new hire > no one fucking told me anything > get screamed at that theres no computer for this new person > go in back to see if we have any spares > there's a few > but there's also some really old pcs from like the early 90's > boot it up > works > set up new person > everything lags > you open adobe reader? massive fucking lag > send out the computer > "it's the best we've got on short notice" > get like 40 sharepoint tickets the first day from that person > he's a real stickler for help > he ends up quitting the very next week saying he can't work under these conditions 
day 12
 > someones computer crashed > fuuuuuuuuck > set up computer > remember something about profiles being saved on the network > go back to the server room > look at the server rack like a total idiot as I try and figure out in my head how this works > tell the guy all his data is lost and there's nothing I can do > "b-b-bbut my project... i have to present that to the board on friday..." > "gone, man. It's gone" > play sim theme park the rest of the day 
day 13
 > roll up to work an hour late > whole office is in chaos > fallofrome.jpg > "HE'S HERE!" > Go in to my office open up mail > dozens of emails like: > "Hey is there something wrong with the server I can't log in to..." > "Any idea why the site is down I..." > the server is actually down > adobe reader can't save me now > "Just go back there and do what you did last time!" > everyone thinks its an easy solve > literally shaking in the server room because I don't know what to do > nap in server room for entire day > people are pissed can hear them banging on server door > we've missed deadlines > leave at 6:30 pm > the CFO sees me in the parking lot > hes been in a meeting all day doesn't know about my struggles > "You're still here?! That's the kind of can-do attitude I like to see" 
day 14
 > server is still down > my dads asking questions > everyone is pissed > take an early lunch > over hear some guys at the restaurant talking about buying a new modem for the office > hailmary.jpg > "Hey sorry to bother you during your lunch...but would either of you happen to be IT?" > before either of them could read me the riot act and tell me something like how the fuck dare I > I'm IT too > I show them my hand that I scratched up crawling wire on the floor > they nod > "What would you try doing if your server is completely fucked?" > "Have you tried restarting it?" > I go back and restart the physical machine > it fucking works 
day 15
 > hot cougar walks by office looking distressed > "Everything okay?" > "Oh good... I can't log into my email... can you please help me... PLEASE" > "I got you." > get her laptop > re-install microsoft office > outlook works again > poke through her emails to make sure things are working > send a test file > read the titles of her latest emails > "Divorce" > hand back her laptop > "Looks like its working now" > "Thanks..." > "Everything okay?" > "Well..." > this is fucking it, tell me your sob stories cougar woman and then its or > "My mouse is acting a bit funny, can I get a new one" 
day 16
 > one of the mailroom guy's monitors isn't working > it's coming up all green > backstory: there's been a huge misappropriation of funds because I gave him dual monitors just because he's a mentally challenged and I figured if anyone needs 2 screens its him > all he does is look at msn slideshows > and use the fedex webapp or something > he's a nice guy so I actually try and fix it for him > nothings working > think its a driver issue > think its a setting issue > think its an actual hardware issue > whole time people are coming to me with real problems but I keep saying "I'll be there in a minute" > after 2 hours the mailroom guy goes > "maybe da pug ish boken" > I swapped out the hdmi cable with a brand new one > it worked > I officially am less adept at my job then a poor mentally challenged guy 
day 17
 > nice old woman who talks to me about sports tells me her keyboard is shit > she's oldest person in the office by far > old as dirt > tell her I have just the thing > go in the back and unbox a brand new keyboard meant for the programmers > bring it to the old woman > "You're such a helpful young man" > reach down awkwardly to plug in the new keyboard > get back up and dust pants off > old lady looks like she's having a heart attack > look at the screen > it's fucking blank > on my way back up to my feet I hit the power button > she lost 3 hours of work > 3 hours that old woman will never ever see again 
day 18
 > company meeting > we're over budget > there has been ridiculous spending > "we've lost money for almost a month > day 18 > almost a month > they are going to out me > IT budget comes up in discussion > we're one of 2 departments that are coming under budget > "Great job Anon. I heard about the server issues here... you're the man" > at the end of the meeting a 45 year old events planner asks me if I fix computers on the side > "Not really..." > "Oh... I have this one blasted thing that needs fixing. You couldn't just come over and fix it?" > bullshit > for a laugh I say, "yeah it's cool, just give me your address and I'll be over after work" > not sure if I'm getting sex > buy condoms > she's not that hot like a 6/10 tops > not even going to lie > last call kind of hot > arrive at her house > ring the door bell while standing all suave leaned up against the door > her husband answers the door > shows me to the computer > install the latest version of adobe reader > get $20 > go home 
day 19
 > some guy crashes a program so I have to reinput the settings > go onto his cubicle mates computer > check settings > 2 hours later > "You wrecked my computer... I want my fucking computer back exactly how it was I don't know what you did but somethings off my usb drive is buzzing..." > wtf > I didnt do shit to your computer. I checked a program you open 20 times a day > super pissed so I go back into the server room and play Thomas Was None > hear knock on server room door > its the cubtclemate > "Hey, Thanks for fixing it. > "Fixing what?" > "The my usb drive" > I didn't do shit lol > "Oh yeah don't mention it" 
day 20
 > spend entire day cleaning the server room up > getting it all nice > just unplugging network cables wily nifty so I can colour coordinate them > people are losing their shit > they are randomly getting kicked off > tell people there are some issues with our isp > I make sure to say I-S-P as I have now learned by spelling in abbreviations no matter how common makes you sound techy > by the end of the day the server rack is all classy looking > unfortunately I never mapped anything and a handful of people can't connect because their ports aren't connected to anything > tell them the I-S-P will have it done ASAP and go home 
day 21
 > now that the server room is all clean I set up all the test boxes in the back > 8 machines in total all connected to the network > try joining monitors all together like you see on cool threads, you know like the racing ones? > realize these are shit old monitors and you can't do that > come up with the great idea of bitcoin mining with these boxes > set it up for the first half of the day > after lunch I'm mining > terribly but I am mining > people start complaining about server lag > blame the lag on the olympics > suggest that the whole office must be streaming it > ban the olympics on the web filter > office is divided; can see the divide in my email > people who are pissed about not being able to watch the olympics > and the keeners who think its all work and no play at work > I've officially gained power though, people respect me for making this mandate > "He's a real company guy" 
day 22
 > its birthday day > office celebrates all the months birthdays > take cake > set up n64 in the boardroom > challenge people in the office to goldeneye > keep saying "Hey I'm just taking a 5 minute break for some cake want a quick game?" > own the shit out of all of them > realize I did absolutely nothing all day but eat cake and game > no one ever noticed 
day 23
 > cougar calls in from the road > she's having trouble accessing a key app for a client on her ipad > she tells me its name > have no idea what it is > but make sure to sound astute > ask her if she's using WIFI or 3G > "How do I check" > "Nevermind let me check from my maincore system" > google the app but nothing comes up > ask one of the other sales people > "oh it's just an infographic on our main site" > tell the hot cougar to come into the office because it's going to require me to hardcode the changes in > she drives 2 hours to come to the office so I can open up Safari and bookmark it to her ipad homepage 
I'll continue this tomorrow, believe it or not there's an ending to this but I can't get to it today.
day 24
 > people heard from the 45 year old events planner I do house calls > bunch of idiots are bringing in their home computers, mobile devices, anything technical for me to fix > tell people I can only do it after hours and I charge $20 for small stuff and $50 for large. > most of it is simple fixes > windows updates or adobe reader installs fix it > but then I get it > the laptop from hell > this fat indian guy hands me his laptop in a plastic bag, not a laptop bag, a plastic one > "What's wrong with it?" > "You tell me genius" > Load it up and it's asking for some system restore or something. > just hit next and okay > fixes it but it says I need to load chkdisk? > figure that has something to do with the cd drive > open it up > there's a thick fucking layer of bread crumbs in the tray > tilted the machine to its side > motherfucking bread crumbs just pouring out of the laptop > restart the machine > it loads perfectly > turns out the guy was using it as a tray for his morning bagel > fucking toaster laptops 
Hi AV its the IT guy from yesterday
day 25
 > even though I'm shit at IT > one guy thinks because I am IT I am super techy > he asks me what my favourite browser is > "Google.... Ultron" > "it like chrome?" > shit thats what I meant > "yeah...but better...it's what nasa uses" > "cool could you dl that for me?" > gulp > "yeah no worries" > literally start shaking the mouse back and forth so fast you can see the cursor > then ctrl alt deleted into task manager > "there....you go. All done. It looks like google chrome. but its really ultron. no one else can tell." > to this day he still thinks he runs google ultron 
day 26
 > some woman calls me over > "it'll just take a sec, it's super simple" > shit > asks me to hook her up to a new printer > she hops out of her chair and lets me sit down > forget how to add network printers > her and her friend are talking right over my shoulder staring at the screen > "Is this going to take long?" > I fake deep thought as I stare at the screen with one hand on my temple > "Anon? I have a deadline is this going to..." > "What the fuck..." > both of the women are startled > "THERE'S A VIRUS ON THIS MACHINE" > and I just storm off like I'm pissed 
day 27
 > learn about a remote access tool that the whole office uses > decide to haunt the old nice old lady from before > i randomly move the mouse for a few hours > she struggles to do basic tasks > she comes and asks me for a new mouse > oblige her > hook it up and leave > look back at remote tool > mouse is moving again, she opens up word > I begin to type > "Hi" > no response > "Hi > "Hello? Who is this?" > "It's death :(" 
day 28
 > a guy asks me to burn him a copy of a dvd for a presentation > holy fuck I know how to do that > burn it for him > march back down to his office, proudly holding the dvd high in the air > Woman tries to stop me "Hey can you..." > "Not now... I've got IT business to attend to" > hand the guy his burned dvd > this might be one of the first things IVe done right here > tear in my eye > so proud of how far I have come > I am true IT > 5 minutes later I get a call "Hey...yeah there's nothing on the dvd..." 
day 29
 > give new hire her new laptop > nothing is fucking setup right > forgot to hook up her outlook to exchange > no worries she did it herself > cool > she asks me if I can type in the admin credentials so she can dl some social media tool > "Sure" > fuck up the login credentials like 3 times and get locked out > have to unlock it from my machine > can't figure it out but go back because I left my gameboy in her office > she starts making small talk > "So where'd you go to school to become an IT person?" > she's fucking on to me > try logging in once more to admin account > locked out still > "Yeah... you know what? I think this Hootsuite extension is a virus. I don't want that shit on my network" 
day 30
 > here's where shit starts to really hit the fan > as you know i had setup a bitcoin mining rig in the server room > it was just eating up all the bandwidth > the whole network was barely operational > and now because of my ineptitude and blaming things on viruses people started a rumour > that the whole network was being attacked by a rogue hacker group > after lunch I get pulled into a meeting by with all the execs > the jig is up > "As you know we've been experiencing a multitude of issues with our network..." > I'm fucked > "from the lag to the viruses" > so fucked > "We want you to head up the investigation and find out who's doing this and why" > ROFL > I am the fucking dirty cop on the force who's tasked with finding the dirty cop > I am the fucking law 
day 31
 > tell people I'm running server calibrations > "it's like dusting for finger prints" > no one's the wiser > show this one middle aged guy with a beard how to use a webapp > go to favourite it for him and put it on the toolbar > notice all of his favourites > Big titty housewife > Pajama Butt Slut > Mexican girl on bus > mouse over them as I mouth read them > he starts freaking out > begs me not to tell > "Why shouldn't I?" > "Ill buy you lunch" > got 10 chicken nuggets 
day 32
 > for some reason the entire office is having to fill in a captcha every time they google anything > have no idea why this happening > Google ultron guy asks me if this has to do with the virus and if he should be backing up his data > "First. Always back up your data." > he nods to my tech savvy > "Second. It's a security measure INce put in place. There are robots afoot." > he nods again like my word is law 
day 33
 > Ultron guy blabs and tells everyone about google ultron > now everyone in the fucking office has a sharepoint ticket asking for it to be installed > a few of the more competent people are asking me what the fuck google ultron is > I just give them finger guns until they walk away > have to spend entire day going from desktop to desktop pretending to dl google ultron > literally spend 3-4 hours pretending to dl software that nasa uses > one girl asks me if this even legal > "Are you a cop?" > she reports me to HR for "criminal like behaviour > have already explained to HR what google ultron is... > HR thinks its real > HR thinks nasa uses it > HR tells the narc to stop interfering with important technological matters because the narc doesnt know anything about IT like me > doesnt know anything about IT like me 
day 34
 > been playing portal 2 all day in my office > haven't heard so much as a complaint > haven't had to update adobe reader or adobe flash all fucking day > something's not right > no one's said shit about it > poke my head out of the office > everyone's heads down just typing away > starting to get worried > ask a guy how his computer is working > "Great. Ever since you downloaded Google Ultron, my whole computer has just been flying" > wtf > do a quick google search on google chrome > supposedly it automatically downloads the most up to date versions of adobe > omfg > if I don't have fucking adobe reader I'm fucking out of a job > send out mass email > ATTN: do not open google ultron it has been hacked > spend rest of day uninstalling and making IE the default browser 
day 35
 > people are becoming restless with the hackevirus stuff > they wonder why I haven't solved the case yet > some even believe its not a hacktivst group like I've been hinting > "We're not just dealing with amateurs here. We're dealing with the best. And that's why I need to update your antivirus scanner" > just to strike the fear into people I covertly turn on the computer of a person who's sick and stationed right in the middle of one of the larger areas > turn off her monitor > put speakers full > then go back to office and remote in > play Wham's Jitterbug at 3 second intervals throughout the day > eventually people Start coming to my office to report this > I nod > it's worse than I thought > "What? What is it?" > it's the Jitterbug gang. One of the world's best hacking groups" > "I've never heard of them." > "That's why they're the best" 
day 36
 > check messages > local police called > FUUUUCK > need to speak with me since I am IT about recent hacks on our organization > delete message > cougar comes into my office > asks if I can adjust her desktop so the wallpaper changes every couple of minutes > "Sure." > head over there with her > she tells me she's getting a divorce > "Oh." > Says she's actually starting to date again and it's pretty awkward > fuck it > "Wanna maybe grab a beer sometime after work?" > she laughs > "What? I mean why not?" > "You're joking right? You're IT..." > my eyes well up as I stare at adobe prompts me that reader has a new update > "Just gonna download this." 
day 37
 > feeling like shit today > cougar told her sales friends that I tried asking her out > people are laughing behind my back > can hear the whispers > "eww haha IT?!!! ewwwwww" > want to just open up a computer and jump through the moving cpu fan > mean sales guy who usually calls (yeah that one) stops by office > "My laptops not working" > I trudge over to his desk with him > hit the power button for a reset > don't say anything and just walk away > "If that's all you ever do.. Why do we need you?' > turn around > "what?" > "if you only ever just restart my computer... why are we paying you? I can restart my own damn computer" > grin > "Have you ever repaired a server here? Do you know how hard it is to get it operational? Remember how we were down for a day and a half?" > he shakes his head > "That's what I thought." > of course I just restarted it lol 
day 38
 > still feel like shit after the cougar shut me down > decide to block 1 major site on the webfilter every hour > feel like the Joker doing it > first youtube > then ebay > then reddit > hear the moans from people as they read my webfilter note > "This is a place of work not a fun house" > One woman storms into office > "This is not funny...this is serious" > "Why so serious?" I ask her > "I need you to unblock ebay" > lot seriously > "I HAVE AN AUCTION ENDING IN 5 MINUTES!" > put it back on the safe list > but it was too late > she missed out on her cellphone case > mwhahahahaha 
day 39
 > an "investigator" comes to the office > the execs were worried that we had too much to lose and wanted to bring in a professional > I'm fucked > show him around the office > he keeps asking to see the server room > "And this is Carol. She's a riot. Aren't you Carol" > doing everything I can to stall > we go back into the server room > he compliments me on how neat the cables are > think about picking up a monitor and bashing his skull in and then running away to mexico > cant do it > I'm not a monster > I'm IT > the guy goes onto the server > asks me for the login info > figure the jig is up > give it to him > he logs in > opens up IE > looks over his shoulder at me > "You don't need to be here" > "It's fine" > I need to be there when it happens > he literally starts shaking his mouse really quickly around IE clicking on random parts of the screen > I know because a popup for Home depot came up > he starts muttering to himself... "hmmm... hmmm" > watch him type in adobe reader in google > he dl's it > swings his cursor around some more > and then finally goes > "fucking hackers right?" > we are brothers he and I > IT brothers 
day 40
 > wake up and realize how lucky I truly am not to be fired or worse > see cougar girl walking into the office from parking lot > asks me how things are going > I think we finally put an end to the jitterbug gang > "no, I meant... not work stuff' > look at her strangely then smile. > "Oh you know how it is" > she flicks her hair and then laughs > what the fuck? > "Cool. I'm having problems opening a file...can you open it for me hun?" > sigh > "Yeah sure..." > we walk into her office she's being all flirty > click on the sharepoint link of a pdf file > won't open > download adobe reader > while it's loading I ask her what she's planning on doing on the weekend > "I'm going to the mountains with this guy for our first getaway" > stop adobe reader at 80% > walk right out > I am IT 
day 41
 > this hot yoga girl from events comes into my office > her keyboard keeps typing in french > too busy playing Happy bird to care > "so are you going to help me?" > "if things slow down. I've been swamped today" > "I'm going to fucking kill you" > she waggles her glorious yoga butt away > cute girl, and don't even care anymore just want day to fucking end > I hate this fucking job > all I do is get yelled at and download adobe reader > I cant even find the joy in games any more > Dad walks by > sees I'm looking blue > Dad takes me out for lunch > pats me on the shoulder > "I'm so proud of you son." > to date the company is in fucking shambles > and I still am primarily an adobe reader downloader > but I wouldn't change any of it for his very next words > "I love you son." Thanks guys and thanks Dad for the job. :) Don't forget to download your adobe readers guys. 
I didn't make this, I converted it to text from the imgur images and am working on correcting it occasionally.
submitted by that1communist to funny [link] [comments]

Meeting with owner of a French cafe in SF who wants to start accepting Bitcoin...

I'm planning to explain to him how he can accept Bitcoin in 2 ways.
  1. He can accept and hold them if he believes in it as a personal investment
  2. He can accept it and instantaneously convert it to USD
Was thinking of introducing him to Coinbase and having him use his iPad with the new Coinbase app. Seems like the most simple way of introducing Bitcoin to his store without explaining security or private keys or anything like that.
Is there anything else you would add if you were setting it up for him?
The place is Promenade Cafe: http://www.lapromenadecafe.com/location.html
submitted by Marotta117 to Bitcoin [link] [comments]

Android Studio Tutorial - Coin Converter Application Bitcoin Converter App with Swift 5  Xcode 11 Cryptocurrency Data API from CoinAPI.io Bitcoin Adder 2016 App For Windows, IOS and Android Calculator Apps for the iPad Bitcoin Calculator - Cryptocurrency Converter for Android

Description. Bitcoin crypto converter is a crypto currency converter with 100+ crypto currencies and 150+ national currencies , notifications and up-to-date exchange rates. Coinbase is a well-known bitcoin, ethereum, and litecoin wallet app. You can easily send and receive bitcoins as well as manage your private keys securely. Bitcoin price charts, bitcoin price ticker, and price alerts ensure you are able to comfortably track bitcoin, ether, and litecoin price. Best Currency Converter suited for both traveling & business needs, the app allows you to convert currencies within the Safari browser. Using the application, you can get quick exchange rates for 170+ Word Currency & Precious metals. The money exchange app is proactively designed to support cryptocurrencies such as Bitcoin, Litecoin & Dogecoin. ‎Bitcoin Convert is the fastest/easiest way to check BTC/Altcoin rates and historical price points against fiat currencies at a glance. It's simple and intuitive. If you need to know when Bitcoin (or any alt coin) drops below, or raises above a certain price point - you can easily set price alerts t… MixCoin is a free currency converter app for iPhone and iPad that will convert most of the worldwide 160+ currencies instantly on your phone display. Instant Currency Conversions, as you Type many more. We are working hard to also add some cryptocurrencies (like Bitcoin, Ethereum, XRP, EOS, Cardano, Monero, IOTA, Zcash, Litecoin, or

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Android Studio Tutorial - Coin Converter Application

faucethub convert coins, faucethub create faucet, faucethub cpu miner, ... bitcoin earning apps - how to get bitcoin for free - 7 apps to earn bitcoin [2020] - Duration: 7:52. World's Most Famous Hacker Kevin Mitnick & KnowBe4's Stu Sjouwerman Opening Keynote - Duration: 36:30. Cyber Investing Summit Recommended for you Bitcoin & Cryptocurrencies market prices. Bitcoin calculator and money converter Ideal app if you need convert any cryptocurrency to any other or to local currencies. Easy to use, simple. Google ... #bitcoin converter #bitcoin price history #how much is a bitcoin #bitcoin current value #btc value #btc price usd #bitcoin worth ... #bitcoin miner app 2020 #new bitcoin miner 2020 Thanks to Dr. Angela Yu from Udemy. I am learning Swift 5 to learn a new programming language and build iOS Applications.

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