The spam filter really didn't like me this week. This is my fourthfifth attempt to make a post that won't get removed immediately upon submission. This was entirely written by yesterday afternoon, and I'm still confused as to why it's not live, so I'm reposting it. Outside of Hunt-land, next week, Syntax is going to have finals and a busy work schedule. Not only that, but the plug separated from the cord on his laptop charger yesterday. We soldered it, but we don't know how long that'll hold up or how long it'll take for a new one to be shipped. While there isn't much that will prevent me from solving things personally, I likely will not be able to keep up on my own (especially since we're down to only the stuckest things.) The title might be a bit weird this week, but I didn't have a pun or a pop culture reference in my head. That's because I spent most of the weekend playing Magic: The Gathering like the nerd I am. I realized that my favorite Magic card would be doubly (if not triply) relevant to the puzzles in this update, so it sort of became the name of the post. Anyway, here it goes again.
Usually, I put questions about the rules in the "final notes" section, but this is important enough to go in the header. We finally unlocked Your Birthday Town this week (party on!) It's been unclear whether there's any non-trivial way for us to interact with it-- the answers I've heard have consistently varied between "no" and "maybe". If there were spoiler-tastic behind-the-scenes discussions about what would happen when we got here, we obviously haven't heard the results of them. It was suggested at some point that we could just view the answer to see what the puzzle should have been, then move on with our lives. That feels kind of unsatisfying, but since we have no way to know what the difficult-to-replicate part of the puzzle could be, we'll do it if we have no other options by the time of the next write-up (even if it's another announcement that says the Hunt didn't move far enough.) Incidentally, that will be a week from tomorrow, which is Syntax's actual birthday.
Tales of a Magic: The Gathering-Crazed Shire
A Tiny Note About Rose Garden
While it was fairly obvious that something was missing from the clues, I'm surprised that we didn't use the years or realize that team names could be important until now. Sometimes, we completely miss the intent of a puzzle when we go through it. This puzzle's design was a lot more clever than we were.
A Tiny Note About I AM GROOT
People still ask me about this one-- it happened at least once at Magic this weekend. I told a lot of people about this before I knew how to get the answer, and I still get asked if I've solved it. They're amazed that people actually figured out what to do and were able to do it, and are generally surprised that the answer doesn't have a lot to do with Groot.
A Tiny Note About Something In Common
I've had some problems explaining what this puzzle was to outsiders. I've had some success, though, mostly by singing the House of the Rising Sun melody with the lyrics "I wanna be the very best / That saved a wretch like me / Remember Christ our savior was / United States Marines".
A Tiny Note About No Shirt
One of the most surprising moments in this entire journey was when I found out that the solution page to this puzzle was entirely clean.
Puzzle-Specific Notes (Solved)
A Bunch Of Ripoffs
"I would say that's a novel approach, except that it's exactly not as novel as other teams." - the puzzle creator Identify, sort, index, solve. It's been a common enough archetype in Hunt history to get a name. There were a few of them near the beginning of the Hunt this year-- mostly about weird pop-culture topics for comic relief-- but the formula has rarely been played straight in the later rounds. There have been a couple of puzzles (IN SYNdiCation, for example) where we got stuck because we incorrectly assumed that they would play the formula straight. I've sort of come to expect puzzles that start with "identify, sort" to end with "sort again, index, task" or "do something completely unrelated to the rest of the puzzle, solve". This one was the former. Syntax tackled everything on the puzzle page fairly quickly, so I didn't have a lot to do with identifying the books. One thing that he realized very quickly was that people avoid naming the villain in a whodunit when they give a short synopsis of it. Between the obscurity of some of the books and the amount of Google hits that we found to be completely unhelpful, the identification here was actually fairly difficult. The phrase "TEAR US A NEW ONE" came out of it all. We thought that making a new mystery novel cover would be easy but potentially time-consuming, so we worked on other things until we hit a slow week. Then, last week was so slow that we barely got to averaging one solve a day. I was at the point where we had six solves and I wanted one more before I wrote anything, and decided to complete this. As it turns out, I'm really bad at using image manipulation tools to recreate the images in the puzzle with different text. As it also turns out, I didn't have a disposable mystery novel to tear up. (Something about tearing up books makes me feel a little uncomfortable, as well.) Then I remembered that the context in which the phrase "tear us a new one" comes up is rarely about literally tearing something. "I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals..." - a great sage, probably I needed a long insult-laced tirade to submit in lieu of a novel cover, and the Navy Seal copypasta was the first thing that came to my head. Of course, I did edit it so that it was a lot more relevant to the puzzle and to our team in general. I have to say that I really enjoyed this one. That being said, as our Hunt is slow and unofficial, the various task submissions can have wildly varying response times. While waiting for a response, we'd managed to solve Split Seven Ways, and I proceeded to post the write-up for the week. Even though the delay sort of implied that something was happening in the background, I was surprised when the response that I got back was a continuation of the puzzle. It was a great twist, and it didn't take too long for me to find out what was missing from the cover to solve it.
Most of the puzzles that played the "identify-sort-index-solve" formula entirely straight this year have had at least one step that was about a completely different topic from the rest of the puzzle. This was no exception. A lot of effort on my part was put into dissecting the seemingly-irrelevant changes to the original books' text ("Alma. Janine. Dolores. Moira. Patty.") Travelogue has had more extraneous information presented on the puzzle page than almost anything else this year, all things considered, and it definitely obfuscated the correct path to the answer even with the blatant flavor text. I had the three-letter abbreviations and authors listed from before we took any of the puzzles seriously for some reason. "Are these airport codes?" gets suggested nearly as often as "is this Caressing?", and we asked that question multiple times before I got anything out of it. Syntax and I had both thought that airports weren't relevant to the puzzle for some time; we knew that most or all of the TLAs were real airport codes, but they were usually for tiny airports, and it isn't too unlikely that it could happen with completely random letters. This week, I decided to list them all out anyway. At a certain point last year, Syntax and I had a discussion about how difficult it would be for someone to visit every time zone. Even disregarding the fact that repeatedly flying overseas to different countries would be prohibitively expensive for almost everyone, there are still a lot of time zones that are just plain hard to get to. Several countries which are very questionable tourist desinations have unique time zones. There are also a few time zones which don't have a lot of land in them. UTC-12 only has two uninhabited islands in it, for example, and UTC+14 isn't much better. At first, we thought that UTC-2 would also be very difficult to visit, with its landmasses only consisting of South Georgia and the South Sandwich Islands, but then we realized that Fernando de Noronha, a small archipelago off the coast of Brazil, was much more accessible and just so happened to use that time zone. That last bit of information ended up being extremely relevant here. I ended up listing out the airports on the spreadsheet this week, despite them not having any apparent pattern, hit the one in Fernando de Noronha, and correctly assumed that it was only included because of the severe lack of airports in UTC-2. Even though the stretch of time zones was apparent, my chart was reversed, and it took a couple of minutes to figure out how to properly index. I don't know whether the last letters of the codes running from UTC-1 to UTC-7 were meant to spell out "on a card", but I took it as a clue. Since I completely failed to think of a non-numerical playing card that was three letters long, I had to figure out how to properly index into the authors' names and then feel really stupid after looking up the code for Lanzarote. I'd guess that this would be among the hardest non-technical puzzles in Bloomsday, except that three-letter answers are typically pretty easy to backsolve.
The main obstacle to completing this was getting enough people that were willing to be guinea pigs. Thankfully, I still know a lot of people at my former college's board gaming club, and this wasn't too different from a normal game of charades with us. We had two friends on one side of a large room there, me and a friend on the other side, and Syntax moderating. Syntax assumed that we couldn't both participate without spoiling the puzzle. Because Syntax was moderating, he also made decks of cards with the words on them so we could send them back and forth in a random order. The first couple of messages were rocky, but after a certain point, doing the correct motions got to be fairly simple (though it distracted a lot of people walking by.) At some point, my partner left to go play another game, so I had to signal to the other team by myself. Letters like "T" and "Y" suddenly got really hard. Since I had a complete team sending things to me, and I only needed to receive four messages, I quickly figured out the puzzle, and got to the answer without the other side. But, apparently, it couldn't end until the other team could recognize all of the correct codes. "GOLD INLAY" was not something that they were picking up on, and even with me sending the message repeatedly, it didn't get communicated very clearly. To whoever helped us with our semaphore, thank you for the 20 solvent.
In Holi Town, a certain Mr. Chand tells you a colorful story about three members of the Indian Resistance and their journeys throughout the subcontinent. - flavor text, emphasis mine "That's so stupid if it's actually the answer." - Syntax I looked at this for a while during a break between rounds of a Magic tournament and realized that I probably had to index into the cities by color somehow. While the Ticket to Ride map was fairly obvious to us, and identifying the cities wasn't too difficult, we somehow forgot about resistor color codes existing. Oops. I like how the character names both were color words and were colored in properly. There was no confusion there. We also thought that it was supposed to be more of a logic puzzle than what it actually was. This is where I mention that we only got one Holi solve this week. Also, this is where I talk about not being able to say a lot about certain puzzles. Did I mention that Holi is hard and stuck to the point of being unreasonable? I kind of have to do that.
Turn On A Dime
Meanwhile, a lot of the puzzles in Bloomsday were decidedly quick, and they also had some of the flashiest presentation. I don't know how you all find out everything that has ever been alphabetized. While Syntax was busy matching the front of the coins, I was identifying the images on the back and lucked into finding the design of the ten pence coins before I realized that there were multiple designs that went from A to Z. We still don't know how there were so many near-identical fronts or backs of US coins with different values. Several of the coins' differences came down to the mintmarks; meanwhile, a few of them we had to disambiguate by seeing what would make a correctly-spelled clue phrase. We realized that the mintage numbers mattered, and we started to work on opposite ends of the line. Syntax found the letter "B" to be the first thing in the message, and I expressed concern. "It's a 26-letter clue phrase. That isn't an A for "answer." That isn't a C for 'call in X'. That isn't a T for 'the solution to all of your problems is the name of this coin.' It's a B for 'bring us something'. Probably a coin. Hopefully not a past Mystery Hunt coin, because I don't think we have any of those." - my feelings, paraphrased We learned that the expression started with "bring" and ended with "coin", and things got worse. It didn't help that this process was pretty slow-- there wasn't one convenient source we could use for the number of every coin in existence. The gap being filled in with "HQ any real Canadian" was honestly a relief. I kind of assumed that you'd normally keep the coin, but just like with our joker, I decided to use our inability to give you all an object could be an opportunity to be creative. Here are the pictures of a Canadian $25 coin that got submitted. We have one laying around because at one point, our family drove to Winnipeg because it was close and we hadn't ever seen it before. That happens to be where the Canadian mint is; they sell a lot of souvenir coins and things, and they really like to talk about Canada having painted circulation coins in full color. (Oddly, the Winnipeg mint doesn't typically make collector coins; that's usually reserved for the other mint in Ottawa that makes nothing but collector coins. They do, however, make all of the coins that are intended to go into circulation. Maybe a regular coin would have been more fitting.) After Travel Planning had the hardest part of the puzzle on the flyer, I've been cautious about assuming that whatever we get back from calling into Setec will be either a direct answer line or a puzzle with a trivial solution. The final step ended up looking hard. It looked a lot harder than it was, though. I'd stopped thinking about those ten pence coins a while back, but Syntax didn't, and we got to the answer right away.
Yesterday, Syntax said that the worst kind of mistake is when you dismiss the right answer while chasing something else. This was in reference to a different puzzle that's a couple of entries below this. I'd beg to disagree, though. To me, the second-worst kind of mistake is thinking of the right answer and throwing it out. The worst kind of mistake is when you end up with a wrong answer that doesn't have any apparent differences from what the right answer should be. While the presentation was cool and answering the clues was fun, we got through that part fast enough to not have a story. (The inclusion of a list of Chinese names and a patent number in the puzzle was pure evil, however.) We had the right mechanics for getting digits out of the clues, too. I called the number we had, which I will not mention because it might be the thing that's causing my posts to disappear, and this is where the fun began. "Your call cannot be completed as dialed. Please check the number and dial again, or dial 611 for customer service. Message G A zero zero one fifty-one." Before I could dial again, another message played: "Your call cannot be completed as dialed. Please check the number and dial again, or dial 611 for customer service. Message M N one eight four fifty-one." Dialing 611 did nothing, and having the "51" at the end of both messages didn't help, either. The call disconnected itself. I called the number again. "Your call cannot be completed as dialed. Please check the number and dial again, or dial 611 for customer service. Message I L zero zero two fifty-one." "Your call cannot be completed as dialed. Please check the number and dial again, or dial 611 for customer service. Message M N one eight three fifty-one." That's it! Every time I call, I get some random other state's number, and a message telling me where I am with a random number, and I need to figure out how they relate to each other. There's no way that there would just be random message numbers from our service provider when it's sending out the same message every time. I kept getting the same two responses when I called, though. Syntax could only manage to get Texas, 006. (I managed to get Michigan, 201, as well when I transcribed the message for the write-up.) This was stuck unless we could find enough different phones to collect close to every state's number. Syntax suggested that we did something wrong after about 45 minutes of trying to solve this, and I dialed a 555 number to test it. I got the same response back. Oops. We couldn't find where we made our mistake, though, and we had to verify that the number still was live. This was stuck for several days. We ended up making the assumption that one of the digits in the number was supposed to be a 0, 4, or 7, and that only one segment could be wrong. Then, I found out that 683 wasn't a real area code, which was enough to uniquely identify the mistake. We had "Murder on the Orient Express" listed as our Kenneth Branagh movie, when we really should have had something with "off" in it. I don't think we could have resolved that one by just checking if we'd correctly answered the clues. The answer checker to this was apparently broken when we unlocked this, but we were reassured that it would be fixed, and that the answer would be obvious even if it wasn't fixed. Then, we got told that it was fixed. Then, we got told that the number was supposed to work correctly. The number we dialed explicitly said that the answer was "MINI USB". That's a useful phrase for the Bloomsday-Arbor Day wheel, but the answer checker still didn't accept it. Not because it's still broken-- because I didn't clear my cache before trying it again. Sometimes, the silliest things can make a puzzle go off the rails.
Good news! It isn't impossible! We had a fair bit of work put into this puzzle, almost all of which was entirely unhelpful. The most helpful thing we did, oddly enough, was make printed copies of the puzzle so that our mom could think about "the sheet music puzzle" to get a nonexistent star. Thinking that a puzzle is hard definitely changes the way we approach it. The 2011 hunt was the first one that I saw, and it had things like this IN THE FIRST ROUND. Meanwhile, the 2015 hunt was the first one where I'd put in effort to solving puzzles at random. The objectively hardest and also least-solved puzzles were things that took a lot of technical knowledge to even approach. Sometimes, this was extremely obvious, particularly in the case of Practice in Theory. It probably wasn't too much of a stretch to assume that this had two solves because it took graduate-level something. Realizing that the rhythm of both lines could be interpreted as Morse Code was painfully obvious in hindsight, even if it wasn't that obvious at all. I'd mentioned earlier this week that we thought we'd made headway on a Pi Day or Bloomsday puzzle by trying to guess who the author was. As a response to that, I was also given a generic yet cryptic piece of advice: "think about what information you haven't used yet". The odds that method gets us unstuck varies heavily from puzzle to puzzle, and certain authors tend to use every scrap of information on the page more than others. It felt like we were talking about different events. When I found out what a harmonic table was, that tidbit came with a good number of progressive rock musicians that had used a keyboard in that configuration. That's when I realized that this was probably by the author of IN SYNdiCation, Turtle Power!, and (of course) Caressing, who is vaguely associated with a specific progressive-rock musician in a way that I will not describe because I want my post to still be readable. Nearly all of their puzzles have taken the form of figuring out what to do with a large amount of given information. The advice finally clicked with me. Oddly enough, though, that conversation happened before I figured out what this puzzle was about; it was actually about a completely different puzzle, and an author who wrote a lot of puzzles where that piece of advice is completely irrelevant. Not only that, but I'm not sure if trying to guess who the author was ended up being helpful at all, because that one's going to be found in the "unsolved" section today. When I went to draw out the harmonic table, I found out that I had accidentally invented my own. At some point, I tried to fill in the hexagons with notes so that all the chords would be covered, but couldn't quite get the right orientation, even though I found out that there was a consistent way to put notes on a hexagonal grid so that every corner would be a major or minor chord. This is mostly because I thought that the octaves mattered. That idea continued to bother me even when I had the correct harmonic table, and it took me about half an hour to figure out what to do with it. I'm honestly surprised that I was able to get stuck because nobody had asked if a puzzle was Caressing. Not only does that get asked a lot, but it's unlikely to be the answer. The "connect-the-dots" tag in devjoe's index is criminally underused; while "drawing letters and numbers" lists a few more puzzles that are Caressing, it adds a lot that aren't. The fact that it was actually relevant in both Running for Office and Travel Planning feels really weird in hindsight. (There were links in this paragraph, but I took them out because they might have been causing my post to be filtered.) This did go fast after that point, and we didn't even need to fold up the soccer ball. Using everything that we hadn't used-- the rests and the pitches-- was enough to get us to the answer. As usual, the challenge wasn't so much in translating the Morse or connecting or grouping the dots as much as figuring out that there was Morse and dots that could be connected. One final note about this: Originally, we thought that all of the hard puzzles in Pi Day started with the letter P, and grouped them together as the "puh-puzzles". That really messed with us on Protection Plan. Once we realized that Protection Plan wasn't a difficult puzzle, we thought that this was the only impossible thing and that Playing A Round was supposed to be easy. Then, we got told that Playing A Round was the star after we solved it, which carried the implication that this wasn't that hard. This is a prime example about how thinking about the difficulty of a puzzle before we actually attempt to solve it is sometimes very counterproductive.
Valentine's Day-Presidents' Day Meta
A meta?!? I thought that we couldn't do these at all! They'd survive until every normal puzzle had been solved, and then we'd have to give up on them. Initially, we had no idea what went here, while we thought all the answers with food went to Thanksgiving. We had to get to 11 solves in Presidents' Day to prove that there wasn't enough food there to save us. We had to spend 40 solvent on Presidents' Day to figure out what was going on. We needed exclusively two-word answers for this meta, and we couldn't tell what went to the other one at all. This was, of course, the puzzle where Syntax suggested the worst type of mistake is when you throw out the correct answer. I joked about inserting "IM" into Francis Bacon to make Simba a couple of times, and then we moved on. Syntax was pretty vehement about the two-letter "couple" hearts going to Valentine's Day, as well, and making Simba would go against that. Well, we needed Simba. And a lot of other characters, too. While the actual puzzle went fast after we figured it out, we still needed to backsolve to figure out that "CLEAN ROOM" went here. That's because Running For Office explicitly presented it as a single word, and we were very much unsure if it could be separated.
Thanksgiving-Presidents' Day Meta
We'd always said that clearing one side of Presidents' Day would cause us to clear the other side. In this case, we were doing everything correctly by using each column of presidents as indices by their succession order. That being said, we didn't know how to sort the answers at all, and consistently stumbled because we couldn't identify what answers fed this meta. At first, we kept throwing things from the Thanksgiving-New Year's meta into this because we didn't know how to place words into the grid there, and because we didn't have two things long enough to fit in the fourth and fifth columns. Of course, we had no idea how to divide the Presidents' Day answers, either. Even though we'd assumed that the grid would give us a message starting with "they", there were lots of ways to do that which didn't work. There are still lots of wrong ways to do that even if you know exactly what goes to the meta. I still haven't bothered to check whether there was actually a way to sort the answers-- we're too excited to have finally gotten beyond the Presidents' Day meta wall.
"There's only one common English phrase that fits that pattern?!?" - Syntax This was straight-up backsolved. Apparently, three letters out of 20 is enough to do that. Since we don't know if we were close to solving this or not, we haven't looked at how to get "MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU" yet. That being said, this probably was a relatively simple puzzle that we kept doing the wrong things on. I don't have much more to say here, but this probably will end up in Tales someday.
Puzzle-Specific Notes (Unsolved)
Syntax told me that he found a way to prove whether we know about everything that passes the filter. Today, he actually coded something to test it-- we now know that we have the complete word list. Beyond that tidbit, this is still practically stuck in the same place it was when we unlocked it.
Chain of Commands
We've assumed that "ST" ENTER needs to be a valid command in whatever this puzzle is about. Syntax and I have tested a lot of options-- stage commands didn't work, we've found a lot of questionable digital topics that might work (mostly CAD and Stata-related things), Syntax found out that it could be crochet shorthand, and I found a lot of resources for learning Vim a couple of weeks too late. Most of the reason why this is stuck is because we have no idea what it's about, so I tried the novel approach of trying to guess at what topic would motivate the author to make this puzzle. Of course, I don't know who made this puzzle. After throwing out a few ideas for who could have written this, I came to the conclusion that, on its surface, Chain of Commands feels most similar to the work of the author behind Deep Blue and Poor Richard Goes to Sea. Going to devjoe's archives and reading what she wrote in the 2017 hunt, I found this massive chunk of knitting shorthand. Syntax thought that this could be crochet shorthand, so that's potentially helpful! (Or extremely unhelpful.) Unfortunately, none of the words look meaningful, whether they're crochet instructions or not, and we've failed to find any use for them no matter what the puzzle is about. Even though I thought that figuring out the topic of this puzzle would be a simple process, it's shown to be difficult, and even the most promising options aren't working. As weird as this feels to me, we probably need to figure out what the puzzle is about mechanically before we find the topic.
This is probably meant to be read row by row, since completely black squares don't seem to exist in horizontal blocks. We still haven't done a lot of work on this, and to some extent, we still don't really know what to do.
We haven't found the answer key that the tests were actually graded on yet. We also haven't found a way to read the bubbles as five-bit binary or as any other type of code, combined or uncombined.
Pi Day-Holi Meta
We used our first solvent in Holi on Chris Chros and found out that the answer went here. Of course, we still know very little about this meta. I'm guessing that we're still missing at least one and maybe two answers from the Pi Day side that feed this, which isn't helping us.
Both Bloomsday Metas
We have enough answers for both of these to be in really awkward positions. Either the Pi Day-Bloomsday meta doesn't alternate between holidays in its rows, or the Arbor Day-Bloomsday wheels aren't both meant to be filled in the same way. This is a situation where having more information has caused us to be more confused about what answers feed each meta.
New Year's-Holi Meta
If there's a meta that needs a buttload of really short answers, it has to be this one. That being said, we have no evidence for or against that idea other than us not understanding what could possibly take in "gut" or "oops".
I think that we actually solved most of the things we worked on at all this week. This was a surprisingly short "unsolved" section. (We did get another solve on a puzzle not listed here while I was trying to figure out how to get through the spam filter, though. That will be saved for the next update.)
Christmas: 6/6, ⭐ (Nobel Laureate) Halloween: 17/17, ⭐ (Starbucks Lover), proven anomaly (A Killer Party) Thanksgiving: 14/16 (missing Jukebox Hero and Your Wish is My Command), ⭐️ (Cross Campus), proven anomaly (Stuffing) Valentine's Day: 16/17 (missing The Treehouse of Crossed Destinies), ⭐ (Caressing), proven anomaly (Invisible Walls) President's Day: 12/12, ⭐ (State Machine), proven anomaly (The Bill) New Year's: 10/13 (missing Art Tours, First You Visit Burkina Faso, and Taskmaster), ⭐ (Display Case) Arbor Day: 18/18, ⭐ (Delightful), proven anomaly (Middle School of Mines) Pi Day: 16/18 (missing Clued Connections and Compass and Straightedge), ⭐️ (Playing a Round) Holi: 11/17 (missing Battle of the Network Stars, Bee Movies, Chicago Loop, Have You Seen Me?, Riding The Tube, and Would Not Make Again), ⭐️ (Something in Common) Bloomsday: 10/14 (missing Bloom Filter, Chain of Commands, Picture Book, and Standardized Mess) Path metas: 7/14 (CH-HA, HA-TH, HA-VA, TH-PR, VA-PR, VA-AR, and AR-PI) Events: 3/5 (missing Talk Like a Pirate Day and Date And Thyme/MLK Jr. Day) Solvent stored: 10
If you can see this post, and there are 10 complete write-ups about different puzzles that got solved this week, and there aren't yet comments, then please let me know that it's visible to you. Any input on Your Birthday Town is appreciated. We have unresolved solvent on The Bill and Middle School of Mines; the only logical option I can think of is that they go to one of the supermetas in the middle of the page. Do they feed Your Birthday Town? Otherwise, we have no further questions this week. Thank you all for reading these! -Cheshire Songchild
My response to my blink gym membership surreptitiously being re-activated
Not sure if I'm posting this in the right place, but after about 10 back and forth emails regarding my account being re-activated after I had canceled it, they responded with: We have checked our files and have no record of a cancellation request. Without proof a cancellation request was made we are unable to cancel the account. You will have to stop into the facility to fill out a request form. If you are unable to stop into a blink facility, the other option is to send your request via certified mail to: blink member services 386 Park Ave South New York, NY 10016 In good health, Instead of my gut instinct to just string together as many what-the-fucks as my mavis beacon trained fingers could type, I decided to get a little more creative. My response... Wow. So now I've got to travel 90 minutes out of my way to cancel and account I was already told was canceled or send a letter and hope that someone sends me back a letter letting me know my account is canceled? I'm sure the latter method will work out great! This is literally the only way to do this? In 2015 the only way you can process an account to be canceled is through face to face at the location (which I already did and apparently you have no record of) or via snail mail? I mean, I know why you make it so difficult, but you might as well have fun with basically saying we make canceling such a ridiculous process all so we can bleed you for as long as we can. In fact, here let me join in. These are a few other methods of canceling you should add to your list: -Use smoke signals to message your account number and be sure to include the phrase "cancel, please!" otherwise it's null and void -Send a fax to a public library in Ohio with your full name and favorite Blondie song lyric. Fly to the library and convert the lyric into dewey decimal. You'll find a book with a completed cancellation form inside. You can deliver that back to Blink HQ (via horseback only) for 8-9 month processing, then cancelation. -Use a typewriter to type out your social security number onto parchment, tuck it into a coke bottle and drop it off in the sea. An old sea captain should find it while voyaging to save his love from a band of mercenary mermaids and he'll kindly attach it to the dorsal fin of a messenger dolphin who will then deliver it to any seaside blink locations. This will not work for any landlocked branches. -Use your eyelids to blink (in binary language) your account info and the name of your unborn child. When the child is born and reaches maturity it must travel alone (like a walkabout) to the furthest blink location. If the child can survive the journey, it becomes an adult and your account is now canceled. -Learn lucid dreaming and have a dream where you cancel your membership on the phone, on the website or through email (or any other convenient method) then describe your dream to a jar of pickles. I've worked customer service jobs before and I know the job can suck with having to deal with messages like these, but seriously. This is pretty awful. I wasn't charged for several months after canceling and now I was charged for those months in one out-of-the-blue sum and now I am being charged for each month afterwards. If that happened to you, wouldn't you feel a little bothered? But hey, you can't find the form. You copied and pasted a response. Thanks for really looking into this case. I actually really liked your gym and the people who worked for that gym, but boy it's just not worth it knowing this experience comes packaged with it. In good health, Joel
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